I do have friends but i feel like i don’t at the same time and that they’re all just doing me a favor. Nobody usually texts me first unless i text them and it really sucks because it makes me feel that they don’t care about me that much even though i know they do. I know that some of my friends aren’t really texters but i don’t know about others, i just don’t know why it’s so coincidental when i’m always the one that has to reach out first while everyone else would have their phones blew up by texts, calls and fts by their friends. It makes me feel worthless and like i am not THAT kinda friend to a lot of people. not to mention i’ve also been backstabbed A LOT in my life it makes me feel like i’m prone to it. i don’t even do anything wrong. i recently got into a relationship but i feel awkward venting to this about them idk why, probs because last time i did with the person i thought cared about me, they didn’t.
Hey @grigorievkatya, thanks for being here and for sharing. I am so glad that you are here and I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. I also experience some of the loneliness that just comes with feeling like I’m not a priority to my friends even though they are to me and having days where I don’t really get any text messages, so that one sidedness can be really difficult. I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been backstabbed and not cared for in the past because I don’t think you deserve that. You deserve love and to be cared for. Just wanted to send a note that you’re not alone in this and that your feelings are valid and that I know I’m some stranger, but I care about you and want the best for you. Feel free to DM me if you just need someone to talk to!
Hey @grigorievkatya welocme back to Heartsupport its good to meet you.
I hear you when you talk of having friends but sometimes feeling like you don’t, there have been many times in my life when I too have felt that way. One thing I have noticed more and more as I have gotten older is just how fast the days go by and (its not because Im 90 and dont remember getting up, not yet anyway lol) but you talk to a person or message a person and say “speak soon” and suddenly you realise its been a few weeks since you last made contact? and that is not because you don’t care about that person or love that person any less, time just gets away from you, life happens around you. In saying all that the person who is waiting on that call or message may not be on that same schedule as you and time may not be passing as fast and this is where worries such as yours are created, its understandable that you would think you have been forgotten about but I am very happy that you know it is not because you are not liked or have not done anything wrong.
I myself am quite well known for a bit of sarcasm so in your situation I would probably send a message saying “Oi remember me, your mate, the one waaaiiittting for the calllll you promised lol” or words to that effect, it breaks any tension or worry and gets things back on track a bit without making anyone feel guilty for being busy.
I am sorry you have been stabbed in the back by people and it makes sense that, that has affected how all this is making you react. Some people can indeed be very cruel but the worst they can actually do is ruin the relationships that are not like that so if you can try to remember that when these negative thoughts about your good friends start, remember they are just that - negative thoughts, not facts and your good friends are indeed good friends albeit busy good friends.
Finally I wish you all the best in your new relationship, Im really happy for you, if its very new it will feel a little awkward im sure venting very much straight away, give it a bit of time and then you can vent their ear off. lol until then you can vent here as much as you like.
Best of luck friend
Lisalovesfeather x
Hi @grigorievkatya ,
Your post really echoes my thoughts. I feel the same and know what you mean . I think we are just those kind of people , we are doers and like to help , like to reach out and like to make the first move. We feel we need to , it’s just how we are.
Unfortunately it comes with a small expectation sometimes of , if I do that why do others not do it back. Sadly it’s just not the kind of people we connect with , but that’s ok and we can not change how others are only how we react to it.
I love helping others and catching up with friends , if you are the same all I can say is keep it up. It means you are a great person and friend and people are lucky to have you.
I did have to learn to have good boundaries to prevent being hurt, time and experience will help with that. As soon as you feel not quite right with people try and step away, leave and don’t contact . Your soon find the right people who will treat you well and a good friendship will be effortless.
Good luck with it all and stay kind . All the best
Trev
I know sometimes when I’ve thought that people didn’t care about me too much, or I felt like I was always the first responder, sometimes our friend dynamics and groups change over time. Sometimes once we feel betrayed or hurt by someone it always lurks in the back of our mind, but it could just be our mind playing with our insecurities or it could be that it’s time to move onto a new friendship group.
I know that also some times work/uni/other commitments can also play into catching up with others. I have some friends that I don’t speak to for months, but I feel so close to, and I have some friends that I miss and wish would contact me way more.
Sometimes it’s okay to reach out and say “hey I’m feeling a bit low, if you’re in a good space and have free time I’d love to catch up”. We can’t assume people know our feelings or even how they make us feel especially if it’s unintentional. I would hope your friends wouldn’t want to intentionally make you feel left out of the loop. Don’t be scared to reach out and express when you need some extra support.
I hope you’re doing okay
Hi @grigorievkatya (such an awesome name!)
It’s such a balancing act sometimes to find the sweet spot between different people’s response styles.
I have friends I don’t talk to for months but who I care about, and the silences mean nothing for us. I know other persons who cannot tolerate going that long without a call or meeting up in person.
There’s no right or wrong way. it sounds like you need a bit more acknowledgment from your friends, that they haven’t forgotten you, and that they still care, even if you are all busy with life stuff, etc.
How about you make a group message and you all try to have a monthly update? Like it doesn’t have to be super formal or serious, but something like:
this is Mary, quiet July so far, still working on that school project, nothing else really going on.
That way there is not pressure to respond immediately, but it’s a good way to keep in touch by just leaving a one liner?
(I sometimes have weird ideas, you can let me know if this sounds helpful at all to ya!)
I’m sorry that you’re feeling that your friends don’t care about you when you have to be the one to text first or they don’t respond to your texts. Some people don’t reply because they don’t feel like it or are busy etc, but I’m guessing that it’s not because they don’t like you. You said you know they care.
Maybe you can talk to your closer friends about this and let them know how it makes you feel. Sometimes that’s all it takes.
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