Every night I torture myself by trying to fight the thoughts and urges to become the past me. I try to fight it, and that’s my problem.
I just need to give in.
No one around me seems to take me seriously or understand that I’m not okay and I’m need of help.
I tried to reach out, but nothing.
I’m sick of rejection and I’m sick of holding against the pain.
I really rather be dead.
I’m sorry to those who actually read this. I’m sorry you chose to read my lane words.
Just checking in on you. How are you doing since you posted this message? It would be awesome to get some news from you.
Every night I torture myself by trying to fight the thoughts and urges to become the past me. I try to fight it, and that’s my problem.
I just need to give in.
There’s this part of your mind, this voice telling you that to keep fighting is worth it. And responding positively to the urges would only lead you to darker paths. Do you hear this part of yourself that tends to be silenced when you are struggling? Hold on to it. Hold on to life. To yourself. Fighting is not the problem. It’s a solution. A healthy response. Trust your gust. Your past experiences. Because you know already that temporary reliefs never fix anything.
Fighting, healing, is not the shortest nor the easiest path. But it’s the one that will lead you to brighter days, brighter experiences. Don’t lose sight of the future. Of your main objectives. It will always guide you when you lose hope.
I guess I’m doing okay.
Trying to be loud enough during the day to overrule the thoughts. And at night I am trapped in its silence and fall into the dark pit of suicidal thoughts.
And when I wake up, I do not want to leave my bed at any cost, but then get too overwhelmed by it all and get up to once again be loud enough to not hear the thoughts.
I haven’t done anything yet.
I didn’t drink or take anything, but it’s so f-ing tempting.
For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you. I know these days are tough. Quarantine really doesn’t help and triggers a lot of feelings, emotions, thoughts. But you will get through this. Step by step.
You are strong. Seriously. Even when you want to give up, you are strong.
I’m glad you’re here. Still and always.
Sending love and tons of hugs. Wishing you a good day, as much as possible.
