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I’m really scared things will repeat themselves

I mentioned in a recent post of mine, how i got my trauma triggered by fights between my friends.

So, today my friend texted me to rant to me about the situation with our friend, because it genuinely pisses us both off, how she blames the escalation on my friend, just acts really immature and doesn’t seem to understand the most of the whole thing was her fault. I thought at least maybe I’d get an apology from her, since it caused me to have a fucking breakdown in her bathroom. But I’m honestly not surprised I didn’t get one. There’d been previous situations where she acted very insensitive and just not-okay.

And obviously, my friend, friend 2, has enough too. We talked for quite some time about some stuff that already happened with friend 1. but now i’m scared things will end up the same again. With me standing between two people, who can’t stand each other and will constantly throw disgusted looks or words my way, for accidentally mentioning the other person.

It’s such a tiring situation to be in. I’ve been there before for so long. And just when I finally thought it got better, it comes crashing down again.

On a brighter note, I’m almost a whole week clean. I also managed to tell my father I don’t trust my therapist enough to actually tell him things anymore.

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hey aidan,

this whole situation sounds like a huge mess and i’m so sorry you had to be placed in it. it’s hard to expect apologies from people who are somewhat stubborn or don’t realize the pain they cause others by involving them in their own arguments. i hope that that apology does come to you soon and they can resolve their own issues. people are a tricky puzzle but you’re doing an amazing job as you attempt to sort the puzzle pieces.

i hope the fear, sadness, pain, and confusion can be lifted from your shoulders soon so your friends’ personal arguments don’t drag you down along with them. sending you all my love and comfort, my friend.

love,
twix

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