I had the day off of work today, i normally work Wednesday’s. So I told myself I was gonna be productive today. I was supposed to get up and get an early start and catch up on something’s I keep putting off, but here I am laying in bed. I’m struggling to get up, my mind is just racing and I can’t stop crying. I came across a post on Facebook it was about heroin and I don’t know why I read it because soon as I got done I just completely lost it. It’s been over a year since my sister passed away from overdosing on it. I thought I was okay, I didn’t think it would bother me but It did now here I am currently in what used to be her room just sitting on the floor because I’m just having a really hard time and I just miss her so much I’m so sick of everything and as soon as I think I’m doing okay I always go backwards sorry about the rambling just really struggling at the moment I’m sorry
Hey, Lauren
First of all don’t apologize for sharing your feelings and thoughts. You aren’t rambling. You are sharing what you are going through and that is what this place is for.
I’m sorry that you are having a hard time right now. I have a lot of days like this too. Especially very recently. I keep wanting to get things done and plan for it, and often end up stuck in bed feeling awful. Struggling to find motivation and energy. So you are not alone. Sometimes our bodies just need a moment to release the pain it’s feeling. And if that needs to come out in the form of crying in bed for the day, that is okay.
I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. How awful. Losing loved ones is always hard, but it is so sad when drugs take the life of someone. Drugs and addiction are a hard battle to fight. I know how hard it is to witness.
My sister is addicted to drugs. Hard drugs. She can’t seem to get away from it. Her entire life is destroyed. She’s angry and toxic. So many times I have wanted to help her, but she doesn’t want it. Family fears one day she will be gone to it.
You are not alone friend. It’s so sad that things like this have to happen and I’m sorry that you had to lose your sister that way. It’s absolutely okay and normal to miss her and to feel so broken over it. You are human and you’re allowed to feel these things. I wouldn’t call it moving backwards. You’re just going through natural grieving, growth and healing. There will be days where you will feel like it’s getting better and then days where you feel like you’re just falling again.
It gets better. It takes time. I have loved ones that passed in 2012 and I’m still working through it. We all grieve at a different pace. But it can get better. And you don’t have to go through this alone.
You are so important and so valued. And I am so glad that you felt that this place was safe enough for you to open up and share something.
I hope that you can find someone or something that is able to help you through the healing process. Whether friends and family or a therapist. So that you can work through it. Be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to grieve and hurt. Its okay to have bad days. It doesn’t mean you are going backwards or failing.
You can pick yourself up from it when you are ready. And we are here to walk along side you through the process.
So much love to you. <3
- Kitty
Hey there, thank you for sharing.
First of all, it’s okay to take a rest day and gather yourself especially after such an emotional moment regarding your sister. I’ve never lost a sibling due to drugs, but I’ve certainly had people in my life slip away because of it and it sucks. I understand your emotions are trying to take over and please know that it’s okay to not be okay, it’s okay to struggle. We love you and we are here for you. My advice would be to try and busy yourself today. I know it’s hard but you’re capable of doing hard things friend, and I believe in you. You will heal, I promise.
Hang in there friend,
Jaden