so i’m staying with my friend at their brother’s apartment for a bit and i’m scared to go back to my house. i don’t feel exactly good here, but it’s better than my house. i’m honestly scared of going back and having to deal with such overwhelming anxiety and not being able to eat as much. my mother didn’t even message me at all while i was here and tried to sorta guilt me and make me afraid to go. it’s weird, she doesn’t even let me walk around town without constant messages, but now that i’ve decided to stay at someone’s place for four days she doesn’t bother to message me at all. she always does stuff like this to try to manipulate and guilt me and i’m not looking forward to going back. i just want to get away and never go back.
i don’t feel amazingly better while here, which is weird because i thought i would, but i’m constantly on the verge of anxiety and it’s really uncomfortable. i’m having such a hard time remembering days, but i guess i’ve felt like this for months and it’s just weirder since i’m out of the house.
i know there’s not really a way to solve this, but i’m just nervous i guess.
It’s good to hear that you’re having the possibility to be somewhere else for a bit. I hope this gives you the opportunity to breathe a little, to slow down and get some rest, to focus on things that warm your heart and fill your soul with positive vibes.
I understand why the perspective of being back home is stressing you. Also your desire not to go back at all. It all makes sense given the circumstances you’ve been sharing here.
I don’t know for how long you’re at your brother’s friends home, but as much as it can be hard not to think about your mother or your future, maybe it would be interesting to try to focus on the present moment and on yourself. At least as much as you can. Just because you have the right to do so. Your mom already occupies a lot of space in your life, in your mind as well. You have the right to push her away, even just for a moment, whether she sends messages to you or not, whether she tries to guilt you or not. It starts with a minute during the day when you commit to focus on yourself, to be gentle with yourself, to treat yourself well. And then a minute becomes two, then ten, etc.
You’ll probably won’t be able to manage your anxiety only in a couple of days. It’s something that needs time to be improved. But you can already try and use this healthier/more peaceful environment to practice it. Whether it’s through your art, mindfulness, having fun, journaling or anything healthy that truly warms your heart. Every time you try is worth it. And even when your mind and body are still restless because you’re used to experience this, you can still learn to defuse this stress in healthy ways. Take your time. Step by step.
thank you for responding, it means a lot.
unfortunately, i am home now, staying at the place was only for three days. it just sucks because i haven’t done that in over two years and i won’t be able to do it again for a very long time i think. my mother was immediately rude to be, not even five minutes of me being home, even tried to unlock the bathroom i was in (she was being rude outside of the bathroom) to get in and do who knows what.
i know this was in august, but i am seeing this now and want to know how you are doing. i feel you on a personal level. when i was 19, i moved out of my parent’s house due to exactly what you are feeling.
now, here i am, living somewhere else, but i have recently started feeling anxious and alone again.
it can be hard, and it is very hard. and what the guy said above is true: taking time for ourselves is the best thing we can do.
do what makes you happy. if you need time away from your mother, whether it is in your room or at a friend’s, do what you can. it isn’t avoiding or anything: it is just doing what you need to do in order for your mental health to be okay.
i hope everything is working out for you, love. just know that you are not alone. it is very difficult in these situations, but know that it won’t last forever. it is only temporary. before you know it, you will be free of this pain and that place, and you will be able to find what truly makes you happy.