Hey there. It’s been a few days. I want to say i was doing good but not really. I guess I just felt numb most of the time.
I’m at this point again - where i’m just so exhausted and tired. It’s all too hard; too much. I keep on spiralling a little more every day.
I’m so sick of myself too. The way I am, the way i talk or do. The way I act and look. I’m so sick of it all.
I keep remembering unpleasant things and moments that I just want to forget.
For a while I thought things were looking up again - I found a school I’m interested in and my mom said it was affordable. I went to bed thinking about this and that. About stories I want to write.
But now, again, whenever I lie in bed, all I think about is how I hope to die in my sleep. How I wish to just fall asleep and never wake up again.
I’m hitting my two months clean in a few hours and I guess I should be proud of it, but I can’t really get myself to care anymore. The only reason I haven’t relapsed is because it’s so hot. And I don’t know how much longer that will stop me.
Thanks for reading, have a good day/night :))
Dang, you’ve gotta worry about your mental health a lot right now. What are you wanting out of life? What is your goal right now? It sounds like you’re lacking a piece of the future to really hold on to. You have these ambitions and these accomplishments but without a goal and without knowing the path to get there you seemingly feel a bit lost right now. You’ve got ambition and you’ve got a drive, a will, but you seem to not know what you want.
Two months clean is a big deal, that’s really awesome! Congratulations and two months clean and best of luck to many more!
Wishing you peace, goals, clarity, and ambition. Best of luck in the future and always know you have this place to reach out as needed.
From: theladywho (Discord)
Hello there, it sounds like you are going through a lot over there on your side. It’s really good you are looking into a new school and two months clean is a massive achievement! It sounds like you want to make changes in your life. What kind of person do you want to be? Is there something you could work on that will help realize that person you want to be?
hi @HeresA.Gun.KillMePlease ,
first off, i am so proud of you for being 2 months clean. i hope you are also able to be proud of that regardless of outside factors (humidity) because that is an amazing accomplishment. and in terms of you choosing your school? i couldn’t be happier! i’ve had the honor to be able to follow your posts and journey here on the forum and i’m just really proud of this update you’ve shared and the progress you have made.
when you say that things were looking up again, would you say your new hope for the future with the school you chose played into some of that happiness? because if so, i hope you are able to hold on to more of that hope and passion for your future. there are SO many amazing things ahead of you. i believe in you, my friend.
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