Where is the topic category that is just for angry people?!
I have 3 chronic conditions that have totally turned my world upside down, so why have I gotten so use to saying the phrase “I’m fine” when i’m Most definitely not OK at all? The answer: I’ve gotten so use saying it to make other people comfortable about my situation. To make other people comfortable around me. To make it sound like i’m Not a downer or that i’m Not complaining all the time. And I’m angry about it.
Why do i have to make people more comfortable about MY situation? And, if someone ask me how I am, why is it more polite to lie?! We live in a world where we hold on to comfort more closely and more protectively than anything else, so if I were to tell the truth about how I felt each time I was asked that question, I’d shock some people. But i’m To the point that I want to shock someone. I want to make people uncomfortable. Maybe then they would actually listen to what I have to say. I feel uncomfortable every single day of my life in my own body, why can’t you feel uncomfortable for the length of one conversation with me? I have a feeling that stopping the phrase “I’m fine” will make me lose people in my life right now… but, are those people really ones I want to keep around if they are not willing to get uncomfortable for the sake of understanding my life a little better and for the sake of making thing more accessible for me? I’m angry. I’m in pain. And I’m no longer going to say “I’m fine” unless i actually mean it. I don’t see that being very often. So, until then, I’m ready to make some people uncomfortable.
Your angry, neighborhood, chronically ill person XD
My friend, I’m glad to see you posting here. And I’m glad to see you being honest with how you feel, I want you to be seen and heard in the way you deserve.
Honestly, I’m right there with you. I feel like I have to fight the battle of being comfortable in my own body every single day because of all the physical discomfort I experience. It sucks. And I hate it.
It’s especially difficult when it feels like you are constantly asking the world to meet you half way, but it never seems like you get that in return. It’s like you’re constantly giving to the world, putting out all this energy even though you are already on empty. I feel resentful towards others a lot of the time about this as well, and it is a HUGE reason I’m constantly putting up walls around myself mentally and emotionally.
I think one thing that has kinda quelled that resentment in me is recognizing that nobody can actually walk a mile in my shoes, that nobody else can actually feel the way I feel. People can only experience this world through their own prism, so naturally they would feel uncomfortable presented with something they have no possible way of understanding.
I do think that we get what we put out into the universe, so I do my best to be respectful of other people’s boundaries and comfort levels when first interacting with them. I do also think that how people react to you being honest about how you feel is what will show you who is truly worth your time and energy. So I do kinda see both sides, wanting to respect people’s comfort and also wanting to be honest or making them “uncomfortable”.
Just want you to know I see you and hear you. You’re not alone friend, hold fast.