I’m sorry I post so often. Just tell me it’ll be okay

I’m sorry, y’all…I won’t blow the forum up with my daily posts again…I just feel so low right now, and no one understands…

I’m trying so hard to keep my head above water. I’m trying so hard to just be kind to myself, but it’s like a piece of my mind just won’t allow it. I’m so sad…I feel so ashamed and guilty, and I couldn’t even tell you why…I mean yes, being a dick and pushing my fiancé out, of course…it’s just like I’m guilty for existing…

I’m so tired of feeling like this. I want to see a professional, hell, a DOZEN professionals. I need help. I don’t know how long it’ll be until I get it. American healthcare is dogshit.

I want so badly to stop feeling like this. I don’t want to die. I want my life to get better. Not for it to end. But there’s this piece of me that thinks I should go to the hospital because of the absolutely constant suicidal thoughts at this point. I haven’t made any plans. I haven’t written a note. Nothing that far. But I’m so scared of sinking deeper down into this hole.

I don’t want you guys to fix it. I just want somebody to tell me I’m not alone…I’m in so much pain and all I want is a little relief…I’m so sorry if I’m being a burden to this forum…I know it can be so annoying sometimes…I just don’t know what else to do beyond vent to y’all…

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I really am exhausted. I’ve carried this weight for so long, and my fiancé leaving me was the straw that broke the camels back, I guess…

I just wanna get better. I do want help. Anything anyone can do to make it even the smallest bit better, I’ll take it in a heartbeat.

I’m so tired of feeling like this…I just wish I didn’t feel this way so often…I try and I try and I TRY…but it feels like nothing ever gets better. The best things ever got was me being codependent as all hell with my ex, and while I loved every second of it, it wasn’t sustainable for her…or for me, I guess…

I miss being happy…it’s like I’ve forgotten what it feels like, as emo as that sounds. I’m just so tired. I’m sorry. I’m beating a dead horse here.

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Hi
If there is something to be proud of, it is being able to write down how you actually feel. And allow these emotions you feel to be there instead of putting a mask on and hiding it. You are strong to be able to recognise there is a probleem and you want to solve it. Help will come sooner or later, and in the meanwhile just spam this forum if that feels better,it is why it was made.

you are not alone. < 3

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I just hope I find my way out of this. The tunnel feels so long, and the light looks so far away.

Thank you for giving a shit. I’m sorry if my problems come off as trite and childish.

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Hey, I hear you, and it doesn’t come off as childish at all! I can see how much you’re wanting things to change.
I’m not in America so I’m not sure how things work over there so I can’t help on the getting help front, but is there anything you do that makes you feel better, something you like doing where your brain can shut off a little?

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I meditate here and there. When I’m really on top of myself, it’s every morning. Lately, not so much, but I’m trying to keep it up.

I’m a guitarist as well, and that can help. I find that when I’m really deep in the hole, I can’t find the motivation to pick up my instrument despite knowing it’d take my mind off of things.

Trying to not let this illness rule me so much. It doesn’t have to be this way. I can’t exactly control depression, but I can at least try to control how I react to it. Doing the best I can.

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Hi I am sorry to hear you are having such a rough time.

I’m having a hard time myself and my best results come from small changes made every day. One is an effort to stretch more…so my back and body just feel better…so I am less grumpy. Another was to work less hard at work so I would be less stressed and also less judgmental of other’s work.

I am personally trying to be mindful of not only feeling bad…but the things that trigger the bad feelings or on my best days to try and get a handle on why I feel bad. For me when I am in pain…I just want to pain to stop and I’m not so worried about what is making it happen…I’m just happy to flee it most days.

When it comes to other people…life is super messy and the people we love and that are close to us are also the ones we have the power to really really hurt. Once something is over I guess the only things we can do is apologize and offer to make amends and if the other person chooses to move on without me in their life…I ought to respect their decision and if the only thing I can do for them at this point is leave them alone, I should try to be happy that I can at least do that for them (my literal situation).

The only thing that makes sense to do is to try to forgive ourselves, to forgive the other people and try to be better, smarter, wiser, whatever for the future. Life is about growing, I guess.

honestly I dunno dude, I’m pretty lost myself, but never feel bad for needing to post here. we’re all here to help each other out and its super brave and honest to put yourself out there and ask for help.

what kind of guitar rig do you have? I am a total amateur, but I like to talk gear.

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Hey, dude. Nice to see a fellow gear nut on this forum.

I’ve got a Schecter KM-7 Mark I. It came stock with Seymour Duncan Nazgul and Sentient pickups, but I’ve swapped those out for the Alpha and Omega set.

Most of the time, I just run it direct through my little Vox practice amp. I’ve also got a Peavey 6505+ head that I run an Ibanez TS-9 tube screamer through. Can’t really use it much in my apartment, but it’s awesome regardless. If you couldn’t tell, I’m a big metal fan. Basically all I play are big angry riffs😅

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nice! that is pretty great that you play electric/lead/metal. I’ve not dedicated myself like that and I usually just strum or pluck cords on the acoustic. The electric guitar is still like trying to tame a dragon for me so I think its sick that you shred.

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Yeah, man. Truthfully, it’s everything to me. I’ll post a riff or two on Reddit occasionally, and soon as I’m in my new apartment I’m gonna start recording.

Depression tries to take it from me, to kill any desire I’ve got to play, but I’m not gonna let it.

And I like that, “taming a dragon.” You may have just named a song🐉

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