I’m stuck in a cycle

No. I hate myself. Knowing myself is what makes me hate myself more. And what I “should do” haunts me to this day and reminds me that I’m not good enough.

You’re enough. You don’t have to be this person who’s good in every way, whether or not the people around you are like that. Here, you’re enough. We’re all messed up here, and that’s okay. You can do whatever you set your mind to.

Well, sure, that’s just here. In reality I’m basically a person who looks like they’d shoot up the school at any moment to other people. I’m not enough. Never enough. And I just feel worse and worse everyday. Physically and mentally.

That doesn’t mean you’ll be in that place forever. You shouldn’t care if you don’t seem good enough for those people. It’s your opinion that matters, even though I know you don’t like yourself.
I’m sorry you feel this way, but I know you can make it through.
Hold Fast

I should but I do. I can’t help that. I can’t even keep my feelings in control if I wanted to.

None of us are perfect. I meant you should by starting telling yourself so, you won’t change overnight. You get tired, I know, but remember that even with all these people around you and your own thoughts, no one will kill you. No one will ever make you decide how your life goes.

“When people hurt you over and over, think of them like sandpaper. They may scratch and hurt you a bit, but in the end you end up polished and they end up useless.”
-Andy Biersack

Except my mom. She controls everything I do that isn’t at school and if I don’t listen, she’d hit me. And anyone could kill me at anytime. It’s enough to already think everyone is looking at me and judging me. And that my friend sometime bring weapons to school to hurt themself.

You will turn eighteen one day and be able to move out and get away from your mom. My dad used to hit me, too. She only hurts you inside because you care. You don’t need to give a damn what she thinks or says.
And what if those people were wondering in their heads what you were judging/thinking of them?
Also, tell your friend about heartsupport. He/she could get help here.
Hold Fast

My friend doesn’t like websites like this.