i genuinely don’t know what the fuck to do anymore. i do things to help myself and i feel bad while doing it and after, even if i develop a routine. i feel so fucking stupid, lazy, and gross. i wish my ocd would shut up so i didn’t have to go through the day questioning if i’m a disgusting person or not and at this point i’m not sure if it’s my ocd. i say this exact thing in almost every post about my ocd but it’s just taking over my life. i can’t enjoy things anymore and i don’t feel like i deserve to anyway. i always have to battle myself to not kill myself and it’s exhausting. i just want to leave this house, it’s reminding me of my trauma all the time. but i wouldn’t have anywhere to stay around here (not even a friend) and i don’t have enough money to stay somewhere else and i don’t have a car. i’ve tried walking, mindfulness, meditating, art, reading, and basically any other thing i can name. but i don’t feel good doing it. everything feels either bland or bad. what am i supposed to do to get through this? i just want my family to leave me alone. even if i try to be civil, i’m just criticized as always.
disclaimer: no i can’t afford meds or therapy and there are no free resources in my area.
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Hey again Limey! I’m sorry to hear you’re still struggling. It can be hard to feel like you have been feeling lately and like you’ve tried everything you can think of without seeing success. Is it your OCD that your family is giving you shit for, or are they just generally very overly critical about everything? I don’t have any advice for you, other than hold on through this - your survival rate so far is 100%, and while it feels like you aren’t getting anywhere, it’s your circumstances that you want to kill, not yourself. <3
In case you need any of these, they’re all free and 24/7:
Suicide Lifeline in the US: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
To text a trained Crisis Counselor, text HOME 741741
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ - there’s a chat option as well!
You are worthy of love exactly as you are. <3
From: bitemarque
It takes a while to establish new behaviors as habit/automatic, and I’m sure OCD would make that more difficult. It’s great that you are reaching out where you can. There are people that care about you, and it is not weakness to reach out to them. It can be tough to see your way through when you are in the middle of a situation, but it will get better if you keep with it. You are loved and worthy of love.
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thank you for including resources, that helps a lot. but yeah, my family gives me a hard time over everything i do, but it’s even more towards my mental health. so it can be kinda hard to cope with. i try to keep my distance and just do my own thing, but they get mad that i’m not around them, but when i am, i’m just criticized the whole time.
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when was my post talked about? like it’s not bad that it was, i just have a thing where i can’t stop thinking about what other people have said about me while i wasn’t there. it’s kinda stressing me out :,)
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Hey Limey! We talked about your post on my stream earlier tonight! On Wednesdays we go through the forum to pick out a few folks to show some love and support. <3
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ohh sorry about that! i got a lil confused, it’s alright that you read it though :>
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