I’m tired. So so tired. Whenever I say I don’t feel good no matter how bad it is my parents don’t believe me and yell at me and then I’ll have a anxiety attack and they’ll call the police and threaten to have me admitted. They say I harass them and suffocate them. That I choose to be this way. That I’m normal and never sick. I’m tired of feeling alone and lost. Being stuck in a box full of anxiety and depression. I’m tired of crying and being me. Physically and mentally. I want to escape. I want to feel like I don’t exist. I want to feel like everything is fine and perfect. Even more perfect, just now my step dad said he could take me to the doctor but if I go I might not leave. That they might take me to another place to be admitted. That if there is nothing wrong with me they will tell them to admit me. Life is so great. So so great. I want to run. I want to escape.
First let me say it’s awesome that you reached out to this community! With everything you described going on around you, and the storm you feel inside of you, reaching out is the best thing to do.
This box of anxiety you describe hits home for me. The sad truth is many who haven’t experienced this make it worse even if they try to help. “Just stop thinking about it” And maybe even more tragic is people who have experienced it but apply the 'pull yourself up by the boot straps" mentality which only buries or masks the real issues. Sadly there is still this stigma around mental health that it’s all in our heads. And what drives us even more crazy is when we try our best to reach out to loved ones and express a deep cry for relief and help only to feel rejection.
How you feel, think, and process is Real. Let’s affirm that first. When you feel this anxiety, panic, and despair starting to rise can you ask yourself why and identify any triggers?
If haven’t already, try deep breathing exercises. Close your eyes in a quiet place and focus on your breathing. In. Out. In. Out. A second passes, then a minute and we begin to realize we are still here and we are still breathing! Sometimes getting through the next minute feels like eternity BUT look how far you have come already and where you are now. Keep going. There is always hope and you are not alone in your fight and struggle. We are all broken but we are broken TOGETHER! I will continue to be here for you if need be. And this community of broken people will always stand with you even when you feel like you can’t.
Thank you so much for this it helped a lot to know someone is out there. I will, thank you.
It’s so hard when people don’t understand. People hear anxiety and depression and automatically think you’re crazy. I get it. I’m so sorry that you are going through this, and that people don’t understand you. We understand you here though, because so many of us are going through similar things. Continue to reach out as you need it. You have people here for you. I hope things improve for you, my friend.