I’m too much

I’m a burden. Messed up. I have a hard time finding balance. I was diagnosed as bipolar a few years ago…it makes me feel like I have multiple personalities and it’s exhausting.
I’ve been living with my best friend and we get as any best friends do…over the top goofy and immature. It can be enjoyable but sometimes I just want to calm down and be serious. I’ve been going from high to low on some extremes…from silly to depressed. I miss my calm side…and now I just want to be left alone…I don’t know how to balance my emotions…I just want to hide some days.
I don’t even want to date anyone…I mean sometimes I crave someone but I don’t want them to deal with me. I feel crazy. I want to be a mature woman people look to…not some messy emotional girl who can’t keep her mouth shut. I don’t like myself today.

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Hi friend. I just responded to another post of yours. But saw this one and just wanted to remind you that you are loved. You matter. Be gentle with yourself okay?

You’re not crazy. At all. If you feel like you need some serious time or quiet time. That’s okay! Be open with your best friend about where you’re at. Let them in on what’s going on. It’s okay to express that you need some calm. I certainly need some calm in my life too!

I have a lot of days where I have a hard time being quiet too. I feel emotional and like a mess. We all have those days. Its okay friend. You don’t have to go at it alone. We are here. This is a safe place. No judgement.

Take it easy okay?

  • Kitty

I agree! You are loved! and You are not crazy! Its okay to have quiet time. Why don’t you try to make some time for yourself and do something you haven’t in a long time or try something new that makes you feel like you have accomplished something for yourself.

I have to make time for myself to just gather my thoughts and let all the crud go from the days and sometimes weeks of stressing that I don’t need. Sometimes I read, sometimes I crochet, and sometimes I draw. It doesn’t have to be for long, but you can make it whatever you want! I find that doing something calming like reading and drawing really help me to unwind, and in taking time for myself is where I found my passion. Maybe you will find new passions.

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I feel your pain; I was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder as well, and the strong, sudden bursts of good and bad emotions are incredibly hard to deal with, so I’m proud of you for doing all you can to stay strong while handling them.

You are not crazy or messy for having bipolar disorder. It isn’t your fault, it isn’t some fundamental flaw in your personality. And you are not a burden, although I know it’s hard to think that when you’re feeling down yourself. People are not burdens when they are trying to adapt to what their life has handed them.

Just remember that you are a person worthy of care and friendship and love just like anyone else. Maybe you and I will never be “perfectly” balanced emotionally, but as long as we’re here, alive and kicking it, we’ll still be growing and changing and getting better, bit by bit.

It’s okay that you don’t like yourself some days. That’s a tough feeling to get over, and I’m proud of you for seeking a place to vent here. But also remember that your depressed sides aren’t you, they’re the bipolar disorder. If you feel like you need more real-life support, regular counseling with a supportive counselor can really help. Medication is also a good option if you’re not already taking any. And, of course, explaining your feelings to your friends and family and being open with them about all of this is always good. Isolating yourself seems logical when you feel bad about yourself, but in the long run, being honest to the people you love (and yourself) about your emotions will really help.

I’m proud of you for being here, being brave, and asking for support here. Much love to you.

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