I’ve been feeling like life is too much for a while. Just dealing with problems, moving, taxes, dealing with contractors. I feel like there is no joy in life only problems.
Then yesterday we adopted some kittens and it actually made me happy. Today come carpenters came in the house without me seeing and the kittens escaped. We live in a wooded area and they are gone.
I’m so miserable every day is worse than the next there is no joy. Only tasks to be done and failed. I’m incompetent I can’t even take care of cats. I don’t have the will to live anymore. Life is just a series of problems. Before I was hanging on for my son but I’m so useless he probably doesn’t need me. He would move on-everyone would and I wouldn’t be in constant pain anymore. This was probably so eye rolling to read but I just needed to type it out. I can’t make it through another day
Sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. So it’s understandable that you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed by these emotions.
Friend, don’t be so hard on yourself. Seriously. These things can happen to ANYONE. I remember once I took my kitten with me to the airport when picking up my mom and sister because my sister LOVED kittens. I wanted her to be able to love on it as soon as she got in the car instead of waiting till we got home. When we were unloading from the car to go grab them, I accidentally let the kitten out and she escaped into the parking garage. We could not find her anyway. I felt SO TERRIBLE. No matter how much we looked we just couldn’t find her. So we had to leave her there alone in the airport parking lot. My heart broke. Its sad and it’s unfortunate. But it doesn’t make you a failure or incompetent.
You’re son absolutely DOES need you. He would be so heart broken if he lost you. It’s awful to lose a parent. I know you are feeling useless but that is not how your son would see you. For a child, they just need love. Your emotional support. Your encouragement. You can’t do that if you’re not around you know? That would be so awful.
No it wasn’t It’s clear that you are hurting and that is okay. Your feelings are completely valid. It’s important to express what is going on. It’s way better than letting these emotions bottle up.
I am going to leave this link here for you because there are some seriously good resources in here that you can take advantage of. I myself am starting to work through Heart Support’s book Dwarf Planet. It’s a book and guide through depression. Maybe this is something that could help you really connect to what is going on and work through them. I’m in the second chapter right now. Ben Sledge the author is an incredible person and shares even some of his own experiences. Worth checking out <3
I know sometimes when there is so much in life going on it’s easy to stress and worry about everything. Even things that aren’t in our control. Try to focus on a few things a time. Prioritize and focus on the things that needs your attention most. Get through that then work on the next. The things that you have no control over, try to put aside from a moment and allow yourself to just step from it for a second. We cannot change what we cannot control. So over thinking and stressing it is just putting ourselves through more needless stress. It helps to write things down. Goals and reasonable ways you can achieve and work through those.
Moving IS stressful. I totally get that. As an ex military spouse of 14 years I had to move ALL of the time. And it just piled so much anxiety. I feel that.
Friend, I hope that things start looking up for you. That some of this stress can be resolved so you can just relax. If you need to take a moment out for yourself do it. Whether you go for a walk, out for a movie, spend some time with a friend, take your son out somewhere. Anything that could just be some relief for a little while.