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I’m trapped and don’t know what to do

I have never posted on this website before and just found t but I have no where else to turn. My girlfriend and I are in our last year of undergrad and we spend most of the time together even though we live separately. We had been together for over a year. She has a rare medical condition in which a lot of days she gets temporarily paralyzed and can’t gey out of bed. Recently, it has gotten significantly worse and she is bed ridden a large amount of days. I take care of her almost every day and have for some time, but recently, I find it very hard to take care of her and do things that make me happy. I have really bad depression and constantly needing to take care of her is very hard on me. She also on top of this suffers from extremely bad depression and is constantly saying she is thinking dangerous thoughts and that I am the only reason she doesn’t hurt herself. We also fight a lot and because of other things and fights unrelated to these things we have not been getting along well at all. This relationship has taken a toll on me and I have come to accept I can no longer be happy in it, but she has no family here and we are both very much loners who don’t have many friends. I want to leave but know that if she leaves she will have no one to take care of her and she is at huge risk of hurting herself. I can’t handle it anymore and I fear that if I stay my depression will get to the point where I am at risk too. I cannot keep pretending I am okay to take care of her, but it is not fair for her to not get the care she needs. I don’t know how to get out of this.

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@Reececra

Hello. Nice to meet you. Welcome to the community. I hope you feel judge-free and comfortable to share your struggles. I’m sorry your girlfriend and you are having a rough patch. I couldn’t imagine it. You can’t prevent her from hurting herself. That is her strength. You got to take care of yourself too. Perhaps, both of you can seek professional help if things aren’t going well. At the end of the day, it is up to you. Thank you for reading this. God bless you.

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I have been getting professional help but it is not doing much. We both have really bad depression but nothing seems to be helping.

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if you don’t have the energy or enjoyment of taking care of her, maybe you could get her a caretaker. you can take time to yourself and i promise she’ll understand.

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There is no way we can afford that. We can barely afford her medicine as it is

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This is such a hard situation, and in times like these, we don’t want to put ourselves first because we know people need us. I was with my ex boyfriend for 4 and half years off and on. He was extremely depressed, and also had type 1 diabetes that he hated controlling. I spent so much of my time trying to constantly take stress off of him, make sure he is healthy and happy, because I was so worried about his mental health and his depression. For the longest time, I knew I wasn’t happy in the relationship, but I couldn’t leave because I felt guilty about leaving him at his worst.
Honestly, sometimes you have to be selfish, and you have to think about yourself. I know it’s not your girlfriend’s fault that she has this condition, but you shouldn’t be required to stick around if it costs you your happiness.

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How did you get the strength to leave? What did you say to yourself? You sound very brave. I’m too scared to do what you did

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It wasn’t easy, and I had a hard time dealing with things for a long time. Unfortunately, he took his life about 11 months after we broke up. I don’t necessarily blame myself for his choice. He had someone else by then, but I do wish he could have found some reason to stay.
No choice is easy, but you obviously realize that this relationship is compromising your happiness. I’m definitely not brave and it wasn’t an easy choice, but sometimes things just need to be done for the best. You deserve happiness, and you have control over it in this situation.

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Seconding what other people have said in this post, as much as you love someone, it can be hard to realize you’re burning yourself to keep them warm. You need to be happy yourself, because someday you’re going to be the only one you’ve got, you can’t try and keep someone else happy or take care of them when you’re sacrificing yourself.

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But what if you knew their life depended on it? Why is your happiness more important than their life? I’m so lost in these questions

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Thank you for sharing your story. I will think about these words. I am just scared that when I leave she will die or do something terrible to herself

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Get out of that relationship. Yesterday! When someone tells you, “You are the only reason I don’t hurt myself” you need to end it. That’s wrong, on so many levels, what she said. Leave her. Best of luck!

Medicine is always so expensive. Pharmacies usually coupon options though that take 25% off of the total. Try looking online to see if there is anything that can help cover these costs.

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