So the girl I chased for 10 years has hit me with “I’d rather be just friends”. I’m ok with this because it’s 2k19 and we respecting what females want in this age. I’ve also started talking to this other girl and am just getting to know each other. I feel like because I started to talk to her when the girl I knew was figuring out what she wanted that I’m a bad person. It doesn’t help that all my dad was very hard to please and never said he was proud even when I saved up to buy my first car. His exact words to me when I bought the car is why, what are you gonna do with that piece of shit? I don’t think I’m my 29 years of living I ever heard him say he was proud once before he passed. I came up in therapy with s list of things I tell myself consistently and it’s 14 negatives and the only positive is acknowledgeing I don’t know how to be positive. I feel like I’m a piece of shit for talking to someone while i had something else going on. To top it all off I’m like a week since I’ve self harmed and i would do it not so much for a rush or anything but to teach myself to be perfect because for my parents it’s perfection or failure and thats stuck with me over the years.
I’m sorry that life is not good to you at the moment. A father should be proud of his son making important decisions. I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m glad you love someone you care about. However, I am not an expert on relationships because I never been in one. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing. If you want to vent more, this forum is open. This community is here with you and for you.
@Bcrit my friend, you are not a bad person for talking to this other individual while the first person was figuring out what they wanted. Nobody gets to demand you put your life on hold while waiting for them to figure out what they want. And I get you wanting to respect the first girl’s time to think about how she feels, that’s admirable. But her timeline doesn’t get to dictate yours, so don’t feel bad.
I’m sorry that your family has expected so much from you and yet given so little in return. Especially since your dad passed away, I can’t even imagine how it feels for him to be gone and yet to have so few fond memories of him. In just this post alone, recognize that you have many things to be proud of! You saved up to buy a car on your own, and you are off self-harm! You respected yourself enough to seek out therapy! I’m certain there are countless other examples to be proud of in your life. I wish I could give more advice about dealing with your family and your past with them, but I want YOU to take pride in your successes because they do matter and you do too!
Hold fast friend.