Uggghh today was a very difficult day. I visited my 5 ye old son finally after a month of his mother playing games about me seeing him. Back story there is He has health complications. When covid hit the states his mother and I agreed because of my profession (Residental and commercial Plumber) and how often I was in and out of homes I wouldn’t continue the weekend schedule we had(have) in place with FOC.
Eventually she allowed me to see him outside at a distance, that became her “allowing” me to see him at her home, and progressed into now it’s all on her terms as to when and where. Well… I finally had enough and contacted FOC. So she was told yesterday that she has to give me him my parenting time or she will have to answer to a judge as to why she’s withholding him from my weekends. Anyway I lock him up today and He told me he hates me, that he doesn’t want to stay with me anymore and that he wishes I was like his Moms boyfriend. Even called me by my name several times instead of Dad. It left me devastated. I came home to my GF drunk and argumentative. She hardly drinks but sometimes she get argumentative. Things eventually cooled down and we had what I thought was a good talk but in eventually became another argument and she explained she feels I’m aggressive and she feels unheard. I’m taken back by this because I believe myself to be a calm collected and peaceful person. Being as how I am one to look inward I’m currently in bed questioning her words. Am I aggressive? Am I not listening? I’m trying to figure out how I can do a better job listening. I suppose I’m venting because today was just a lot of heavy emotions. I broke down into tears a few times and honestly I’m wondering am I really that bad? I feel helpless and hopeless. I feel like an asshole. I feel simply unworthy of anything good that comes my way and I wonder will I ever be a person that someone can actually love. Sorry for the rant I’m just lost.
I think you are on the right track by taking a good look at yourself. Have you asked him what it is about the boyfriend that he likes? There is a difference between being a parent and being a boyfriend who is trying to be liked. As a five-year-old, gravitating towards the person who is trying to please him, without the burden of parenting him, sounds pretty natural.
Mothers tend to be motherly. That often means overextending control in an attempt to keep the child in the most secure position possible. I think the two of you should seek counseling, in order to work out the issues you’re having. If the two of you can’t come to terms, it will be hard on your son.
Coming home drunk and argumentative is indeed evidence of aggressiveness. If you are calm, collected and peaceful, then become drunk and argumentative, you are coming across as unpredictable. That can make those around you very anxious.
If you have to question how good of a listener you are, you are probably not listening well enough. The best way to become a good listener is to do a lot more of it. If you are really listening, the person talking will know it. Face the person. Turn off or shut out distractions. Ask questions to ensure understanding.
Are you a bad person? Far from it! It’s clear that you care a lot. Like all of us, you are a work in progress. You are facing emotions of an intensity that you are probably not used to. You will manage them better in the future.
Alcohol is a depressant that also makes emotions more difficult to manage. Take a break from it for a while and see how things go.
I’m currently reading your message and re reading it myself. I believe I might need to re write my original message. I appreciate you responding. Sincerely!
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