I miss my friends

My friends have all been so incredibly busy and I almost never even get to speak to them in messages lately let alone actually spend time with them. I miss them so much. It’s that kind of feeling where you think “if you wanted to be my friend you’d interact every couple weeks at least just to say hi” right? Even if you’re too busy to actually spend time with me? I keep asking to spend time together and they’re always busy or don’t even respond. I just really miss them a lot right now I want my friends back

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Hey @Hufflepuff,

Thank you so much for reaching out here.

Friendships can be incredibly complex, aren’t they? It’s tough when we miss someone yet there doesn’t seem to be a right time to see each other. It’s one of these situations that even makes us reconsider the quality of our relationships, if not ourselves. Am I asking too much? Is this person caring about me at all? Is it fair or unfair of me to believe that when we love someone we always find ways to have time for them? The balance between expectations and real possibilities is hard to define, especially if there isn’t any open conversation about it. It’s very subtle and often changing as our life does too.

To respond to what you have said - each person has their own way to communicate. I have friends I don’t need to talk to for weeks or even months, yet the quality of our relationship won’t be affected, and whenever we connect together again it’s as if we never stopped communicating. For other friends, the interactions will be more often either because there are more opportunities for that, or because our needs are different. It’s a complex combination between our life, the way we communicate, our expectations, how we define “friendship” and so many other factors that we don’t necessarily control.

All in all, each relationship is unique, and if you feel like you are being pushed away, then it would be good to try to have a honest conversation about it. Not one during which there would be fingers pointed out to one another, but one in which you could express how you envision communication in a friendship, and see if that it actually matches with your friend’s. It is possible that they really care about you but just don’t feel the need to connect very often, or are indeed too focused on things they need to take care of in their life.

Is this situation something recent, or has it been always like this with these friends? Were you used to contact each other often before?

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Hi Hufflepuff
I think it is totally understandable how you feel and why you feel this way. It sucks when friends dont make time for us. It can feel very lonely. Many times people wount see each other because there is no initiative but from what you have said you have been proactive. I dont know what kind of things are your friends dealing with but if they are just “busy” it might just mean that they dont really see spending time with you as a priority, which usually leads to falling apart. I am sorry if that is the case, again i dont know what the situation is. Maybe what is wort doing is asking them if you can help in any way. They might really be struggling and you helping them might really help, but dont let yourself be used by someone ok. I wish you luck and i hope things will turn out well :slightly_smiling_face:.

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From: lovecraft-pilled

I understand your pain and frustration. As a guy in my mid 30s, All my friends are having children and are married so I rarely get a chance to see them. I would say that this may be a good opportunity to expand your horizons and meet new people. It could be a big help to expand your social circle. You want to spend time with people who put in the effort.

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi Friend, welcome back, time can be a friend or an enemy, can’t it? we are all guilty of letting too much of it pass and taking for granted that there is always tomorrow to get things done when we could just take the few moments that we use finding a reason why we don’t have time to do something than just send a message or picking up the phone. It’s never been easier now, yet we all seem to find it increasingly more difficult, I bet your friends feel exactly the same so go ask them to do something as soon as they are able, leave it open in case they have made plans in the next few days, you could just say, would absolutely love a get together, let me know when you are free please, its been too long. See how that goes. I hope you do get to spend some time with them, you deserve that, and I would love an update if you did, in the meantime I have a friend that I have not messaged in a while so I’m going to do that. Lol Much love Lisa xx

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From: eloquentpetrichor

Hey, Hufflepuff! Welcome back, friend :hrtlegolove:
I know it can be so difficult when your friends become busier and don’t have as much time for you as they used to. I have a lot of friends I don’t interact with as much as I would like either.

Have you told them how much you miss them? Maybe they don’t understand how much this lack of communication hurts you. I know it can be really difficult to put yourself out there and admit how you feel, even to close friends, but sometimes it is the best and sometimes the only real option. Hopefully if you find the courage to share these thoughts with your friends you will receive some love and understanding from them in return.

Good luck and keep posting whenever you like :hrtlegolove:

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Thanks for responding everyone. I have told them I miss them and say I wanna hang out whenever they have time but even the ones who say they want the same say they are busy and might be able to but then never actually have time. And some of them don’t actually respond to that. @Micro I have friendships like that too where we go forever without talking and it doesn’t matter but I want time with these friends. We used to spend a lot of time together during covid and now they have lives again so I guess there isn’t time for our friendship anymore. I don’t even need a lot just time once every month or two but that doesn’t even happen. And I do understand they have lives I just wish I was allowed to be part of it a little.
I’ve made other friends and it’s fun spending time with them but after I talk to them or have fun with them I’m sad bc I want my old friends and time with them. Idk why I care about them so much but I do. I actually kinda hate it tbh. I don’t want to be sad missing people who are right there on the other side of a screen and yet so far away.
@micro I think I will try having a talk with the friend I miss the most at some point. And no, no finger pointing. I don’t blame them for being busy or having a life or even ignoring me. I just wish things were different. I’m just scared they’ll say they have no time for our friendship or repairing it and it will end. I don’t wanna lose any of them but especially not that one. They helped my mental health a ton during covid so I owe them a lot even though they don’t know they helped me as much as they did and I just really don’t want to lose that friendship even if it doesn’t feel like we are friends anymore and barely acquaintances. I guess I need to find courage to talk to that one though even if it ends badly. I don’t know how to find that courage is the only problem or how to find time with them for the conversation since they never have time anymore. I would want it in person I think
Thanks again :yellow_heart::black_heart:

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Hey @Hufflepuff,

Thank you so much for your response as well. It’s always good to hear from you.

We used to spend a lot of time together during covid and now they have lives again so I guess there isn’t time for our friendship anymore. I don’t even need a lot just time once every month or two but that doesn’t even happen. And I do understand they have lives I just wish I was allowed to be part of it a little.

Yes, that is completely fair. There’s a reasonable amount of expectation that anyone can have in terms of friendships! It makes sense as well to see this transition happening with the end of lockdowns and people getting back to their life again. That’s really tough.

I’ve made other friends and it’s fun spending time with them but after I talk to them or have fun with them I’m sad bc I want my old friends and time with them. Idk why I care about them so much but I do. I actually kinda hate it tbh. I don’t want to be sad missing people who are right there on the other side of a screen and yet so far away.

May I ask if, on your end, you feel fulfilled/occupied in your own life? I’m myself working at home without almost any “real” friend (and they’re too busy as well) and only one family member living far away. So I found myself sometimes expecting a lot from my partner who is working and going out, sees more people, etc. Not that it would be unreasonable, but I guess what I’m trying to say is that the pain that the lack of connection with someone causes can surely be influenced by the quality of the time we spend with ourselves. Could this focus on your friends be also the manifestation of a larger need in your life? Hope that makes sense, sorry if it doesn’t. :sweat_smile:

I guess I need to find courage to talk to that one though even if it ends badly. I don’t know how to find that courage is the only problem or how to find time with them for the conversation since they never have time anymore. I would want it in person I think

Do you think you could explain that you would like to see each other about something important to you, but also to catch up? Kind of conveying the fact that it’s a bit special and requires the effort to create time for it. With some people, it also helps to suggest a day and time already, so the proposition doesn’t get lost into “yea, sure, one day!”.

In any case, we’ll be here, okay? Regardless of the outcomes. You won’t be alone. :hrtlegolove:

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