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I miss my old friend

I had a best friend in middle school through college. She’s so smart and chill. I went through a lot of things over the past 8 years, starting in 2013 when I entered my first year of college. She went on to get her masters while I went out and got myself mixed up with the wrong crowd, and got wild after being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I finally got on the right meds and trying to get myself on a good path. I miss her so much, but despite her not saying so, I can tell she got tired of hearing about the drama and trouble I got into. I sent her an apology text recently and told her I was messed up and understand I wasn’t the greatest friend. I told her I was thinking of her and hope she’s doing well. I didn’t ask to rekindle our friendship because I don’t want to put her in an awkward situation if she doesn’t feel the need to be friends anymore. I feel like I messed up a lot. I know she’s in a relationship and busy getting her professional life together so maybe she just doesn’t have time. But I can’t totally blame her if she doesn’t want to respond either. I just miss her.

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Hey there, @Rosethorn, I completely understand what it feels like to miss someone like that, especially because of mistakes you made. It’s really awesome that you reached out to them and I’m proud of you for doing that because it’s not easy to do whatsoever. Now you just have to wait and see if she answers or not and I really hope she does so you guys can talk through stuff. I’m proud of you for taking that step to reach out. I wish you luck with this and I hope you both can find some peace.

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Wow rosethorn, I can relate to this so much.

First of all, I’m so glad you are making healthier decisions in your life now. With this healthier path I’m convinced you will find life is more fulfilling and the relationships you build now will be stronger and healthier too.

As an imperfect human, I too have made decisions that led to the destruction of my closest friendships. My life long best friend and I didn’t speak for over 3 years before I had the clarity I needed to reach out and apologize for my actions just a few months ago. I didn’t expect him to respond or receive my apology at the time but I knew I needed to send it for my own healing. I was floored when he replied with his own apology and invite for me to come visit him in his new home 1200 miles away where I can finally finish my amends. But even if he hadn’t done that, I know it was the right thing for me to do to move forward with MY healthier life. Taking inventory, accepting accountability, and making amends for our choices, whatever those choice were, is a path to true serenity.

You matter. I believe in you.

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I had a friend. He was in my grade, but I still thought of him as a Senpai. He went on, supporting me for years, being the person I looked up to. He even lived (and still lives) in my neighborhood!

I graduated the school, and so did he. We were transferred to the next schools, or, school, I should say. I found out that he was transferred to the same school as I had been. It was still two years before I saw him again. He wasn’t even sure if I recognized him. When he asked, I was too shy to answer the question. But I did recognize him.

If I’m remembering correctly, he goes to a certain church. And if I’m remembering correctly, that church doesn’t accept me for who I am, since I’m asexual. So, probably, if he found out, he probably would ‘cut the thin string that is left tying us together’ so to speak.

The thing is, I still love him, to me he is my best friend no matter what. Because he was one of the people who calmly helped me through hard times. And so even if he ‘cuts the string,’ I will still ‘hold on to my half of the string.’ I would be heartbroken, but I’d focus on helping other people struggling with similar emotions. And I would keep living, remembering all that I still have. And I believe that even if the present and the future are broken, that joy of the past, which is now sorrow of the present, was, is, and will always be worth it.

Keep holding on,
:yellow_heart: Pengyou

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