If you know me, you know this is a pretty low blow and something I have done everything to prevent since I moved out 2 1/2 years ago. But for anyone who doesn’t know, my home life wasn’t the best and my parents are not very supportive. I have past wall posts of some of the hell they put me through the last few months I lived with them.
About 6 months ago, I was laid off from my job. I have been job hunting since before then, but haven’t found a stable job yet. I didn’t tell my parents at first because I knew they would try to force me to move back in with them. I lived in a city with more job options and knew relocating to their small town would hurt my chances of finding work. So I filed for unemployment, started doing gig jobs to get cover what unemployment couldn’t, and started mass applying for jobs. For a while, I was getting interviews and made it to the final stages of a few jobs. However, I still haven’t gotten any job offers.
I made a personal ultimatum that if I didn’t find anything by August or September, then I would tell the parents. I know the financially smart move would have been to tell my parents immediately and move back in. The biggest thing is moving back meant I would have to explain and potentially stop all medical and mental health treatments and care that I need. My parents give me grief for being on birth control for medical reasons. They also are against meds for mental health reasons. If they find my meds, I know they will be flushed down the toilet. I also was going through med adjustments, so I needed the extra time to see my doctors and get everything stable.
August came. And I still had no stable job. I wasn’t getting any interviews and I had applied to almost every job in my state. With the economy getting worse, I couldn’t support myself anymore. So I finally caved and told the parents. They still don’t know how long I have been without work and what I have been doing to survive. At this point, I’m reaping what I sowed on not going to them sooner. My finances are wrecked and it’s gonna take a lot to get back on my feet. I honestly feel disgusted at myself and the situation because I feel like I could have handled it way better. But I also still worked hard to get job applications out and did my best with gig jobs to make money. It really just didn’t work out the way I hoped.
I feel absolutely miserable now. I have been working with a decent recruiter who has gotten me interviews. But I still keep getting rejected. I have applied for so many jobs outside my field just to get work and I still haven’t really gotten anywhere. Now that I also live with my parents again, they have been making me do all their extra responsibilities for church. I am ok with cleaning since I am storing all my furniture and stuff there for free. But it’s getting to the point where I can’t take care of my own life because there is always some church or house responsibility. I also never get time to myself. It’s a miracle if I get 20 minutes of an empty house. It’s extremely loud and overstimulating with my dad being partially deaf and two dogs who bark at everything. If I do anything not productive, then I’m not working hard enough. I can’t vent or cry or really show any type of emotion. I have someone always wanting in my room. My only escape is going out in public where I have to mask anyway because I really rather not have a meltdown in the middle of a gas station. I thought I could turn my storage room at the church into a safe space that I could get away and be left alone. But my dad discovered what I was doing and has access to the cameras. I tested out working in here today and he already has sent me screen shots of the camera footage on his phone. I’ve had to be the well adjusted, extra hardworking adult who never rests since being here. But I’m struggling to hold it all together. I hate that I’m back in this situation. It’s just like when I had to move back home after having a mental breakdown and almost failing out of college. I know that since I did get through that, then I can get through this. It’s just been really hard to take care of myself.
Hey Beth. I’m Lindsey. I’m fairly new here so it’s nice to meet you! I’m so sorry to hear things didn’t work out like you had hoped. Job searching in the best circumstances is never fun and can be hard on one’s self-esteem, for sure. I read a Forbes Magazine article a few months ago that said more than 70% of people said their recent job search was way harder than the last time they had to search for one. So give yourself some grace. It isn’t just you. I have also seen so many people discussing how hard it is not to be homeless right now with the cost of rent and living right now. So again, I hope you can ease up on yourself a bit. I know no adult wants to live with their parents but there’s nothing to be ashamed about if it comes to that. However, it sounds like how your parents treat you has more to do with why you didn’t want that to be the outcome and that’s totally understandable. It doesn’t sound like the greatest situation. Do you have any old friends in that area you could reach out to and go hang out with occasionally to get away for a bit? I personally love escaping to the library. The quiet can be especially comforting if you’ve been in a loud and overstimulating atmosphere a lot. The libraries where I live now stay pretty busy, but the one in my hometown which is a lot smaller was always great. Most days it was just me and the librarian in there and she’d be in another room so I’d have the back of the library all to myself to study or just read and listen to music. I love that you know you’ll get through this. That shows great resilience, self-awareness, and adaptability which is awesome and great qualities to put down on a resume. I know it’s been a lot and it sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot of it on your shoulders by yourself. I’m glad you reached out so we could share some of the burden with you.
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. It sounds terrible! Ugh, to feel like you got out and then there you are back in it again. I keep hearing you blaming yourself though. I get it. I took on every little piece of guilt my parents put on me as a kid as well. But I hope you can see that your trying to find a place to feel comfortable to have space to yourself, to find another job IS success. It’s trying. That’s a huge thing to be actively trying to make your life better, whether it’s working out at the moment or not. I know you are in the middle of an extremely stressful situation, and I want to recognize how terrible it is. You don’t deserve to be in the position you are in. I worry that you aren’t giving yourself the grace you deserve either. I hope that doesn’t sound confrontational. It’s not meant to be. You’re not alone here. I hear what you’re going through and I want you to know that I see a person who is strong, because it takes so much fortitude to deal with what you’re dealing with and make any effort, including writing about it here.