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I need a little strength


#1

It’s only the start of the month of May and my sons father hasn’t even been out of jail a month. I already have 2 court dates of him denying our so. As well as suing me to not pay child support. Our son is going to be 2 this year and never once has his father lifted a finger to help or his family. I’ve never needed them or anyone to help
Me have a roof over his head. He has always had food in his belly and has had everything he needs and more. All that has been because of me. Not him not anyone else. So why do I feel so helpless. Why do I feel so depressed and feel like I’m suffocating under all this weight. A man who beat me when I was pregnant. Who said he didn’t care if we died while I was pregnant and abused me verbally mentally and physically for 2 years. I’ve protected myself as well as my son, and yet I sit here crying because I’m afraid. I know I’m strong I know it’s in my head and it’s anxiety and it’s because of the fear I used to have of him. I know he can’t hurt me and yet without saying anything to me directly. I’m still feeling like I was when he abused me. I feel like I’m drowning.

Again I recognize that he can’t hurt me. I know that I’m a good mom and have been there for my son since even before he was born. But I don’t understand why I feel so scared and anxious…


#2

@Nitemarenati

Hello friend,
You are so incredibly strong and brave. I’m proud of you and you’re a wonderful mother. I can’t possibly imagine what you’ve been through, but you got out and you got through it. Things like how he treated you… abuse… that sticks with you. But it doesn’t have to define you. You can’t let him win. You’re so much more, worth impossibly much more than who he says you are and no one deserves to be treated that way. YOu got through it. YOU took care of your baby all on your own. YOU are so much better off without him and one day you will find the people who treat you like the amazing, intelligent, strong woman you are. And you’ll wonder how you were ever afraid of someone like him, who takes his insecurities out on others.

We’re here for you.

Fox


#3

im so sorry your significant other has been slacking the father figure , thats not fair to you or him. he shouldnt sue you . thats not fair to YOU! just know your not alone . i hope things get better
-ashley


#4

Hey friend. I don’t have kids, but, I know how it feels to live in fear of someone doing the things they did in the past all over again, even when you know that they can’t hurt you. After I was assaulted last year, I was so fearful he would find me and do it again - even though there was no way he could. I didn’t take it to anyone else because I thought I could handle it on my own and get over the fear alone. It wasn’t until I allowed the people in this community into my life that I started to feel better and overcome that fear.

You can do this too. I believe in you.

Hold Fast
Kayla


#5

Hey Nitemarenati,

I had parents that were abusive of each other and my current SO had an abusive partner before they met me. It took a long time for them to trust me but I help support them every way I can. I know it will be hard, but don’t be afraid to rely on others. You got this!


#6

@Nitemarenati

Video Response:


#7

I’m currently interning at a homeless shelter with a lot of moms that leave 7+ years of bad relationships and are attempting to do what you are doing. It is not easy. I have a sister who is a single mother, father was in and out always taking her to court. Single parents have been my favorite people to work with. There a resiliency there that is amazing. I applaud all you do! Stay strong and continue to push forward. You are doing amazing things!!! Best of luck to you!