He fucked up. He really, really, really fucked up.
My brother hasn’t been in a great place lately. He’s been wanting to die and claims he feels nothing for anyone. Not even his own son. Naturally, my family and his wife were there for him when he admitted himself to the hospital. They only allowed two people in there so it was just him and his wife-let’s just call her A. My parents drove us back home and we stayed there for an hour then they left when A called, leaving me and my brother behind.
When they got back, my dad had my brother in the car, opened the door and then left to go stay with him off at home. My mom and A walker into the house and A was sobbing saying that “he ruined my life. She ruined my life.” Later on, when she calmed down, A decided to talk on the phone so she went outside. My mom said that she would tell me what he did in her room.
There was this girl, let’s call her M, who was living with them and was A’s best friend. My mom told me that my brother was delusional and that M was manipulative. She kept claiming that they were “meant to be,” and that it was “written in the stars.” He cheated on A with M-HER BEST FRIEND. This affair also happened before him and A got married.
Then A, later on, asked me to go on a walk with her. I naturally agreed and overheard a conversation she had with her sister. Apparently, M wasn’t the only one that he slept with. There was his ex-girlfriend who also had the same name as M. Then there was this other girl-also the same name (M)- that he slept with while him and A were living together in an apartment.
Just a while ago, my dad brought him over for a quick hug and talk. While we were hugging he said:
I fucked up. I really fucked up. I’m a disappointment. Do you think I’m a failure? I’m scared, I’m so scared.
I feel pressured to love him because he’s my brother. He’s family. But I don’t know anymore. When my mom first told me he was depressed, I didn’t feel anything. Then when we had our “first talk,” I saw him crying and I immediately broke down. Then when she told me he cheated, I still felt nothing. The second talk made me break down too.
But now, an hour later, I feel nothing. And I’m scafter that I don’t feel anything. I just make the same old jokes to cover up the non-existent pain I’m feeling. It makes me feel more okay.
I’m just so glad that this didn’t happen during school time because I don’t know if I could’ve taken it.
Anyways, I asked for advice. So do y’all think that its okay that I feel obliged to love him but also take A’s side. Do you think he has a thing for M’s? I can’t feel anything anymore and I just want to cry. I want to breakdown again but I feel the need to be strong for my family.