I am not sure where to begin and I will probably ramble. I am struggling. I have recently had an opportunity fall into my lap, a great one. All I have wanted is the opportunity to help others, and now I have that. I am a volunteer firefighter now. It has helped me a lot this last month to the point that I haven’t had to use this app. I have found a family in the fire department, and gained the ability to help others which greatly helps my mental health. But it is volunteer so I am not paid. I currently got hired at fedex, and I can not keep up with the pace they require, but I also can’t afford to take another job that pays less than $14 an hour. I have no real training or education so finding a good paying job is difficult. I am beginning to believe that it is too late for me to turn my life around. Because I am 31 and still working jobs that someone right out of highschool can get. I don’t know what to do. I haven’t been a volunteer long so it isn’t easy for me to open up to them. This is the only place I can turn to. I finally have the opportunity to do what makes me happy and I fear I will have to give it up, simply because I can’t find a decent full time job.
Even if you get dragged away from what you love because of money, you still need to work hard to keep it. If you get dragged away, fight to bring yourself back there again. Trust my words, I know what it feels like to find a family, and then be dragged away like that. I’m still fighting for it. So don’t give up, beleive it. Even if you lose your job, even if your life breaks, never stop fighting for the family you have found, if it’s what really means to you.
Keep Holding On 
- Pengyou
Hey there Hoderi,
First of all thank you so much for choosing to give back to your community. I think it is a wonderful thing and it will open new opportunities for you if you keep at it.
Secondly I would advise to have any job is better than nothing, there’s absolutely nothing shameful about working a retail job. I have worked a lot of retail jobs and grocery and I wouldn’t look down on workers of varying ages.
I will recommend something of my experience if the Fedex job isn’t working out well. I know lots of people hate them, but call center jobs pay well, no physical labor and generally will train you. I actually started my current career in a call center as a contractor and all I had to do to get in was take a quick computer browser type test where you show how to clear the cookies on a computer. I then moved out of that call center into a different one as an full time employee with benefits, and as I progressed over years I moved departments and jobs to where I am now a back office employee and get paid a living wage. This took lots of effort on my part to learn procedures and ask to help with OJT/training, active searching for positions, and applying for things I didn’t actually get hired for.
Don’t let things get you down. There are a lot of non glamorous trade jobs as well that can be extremely lucrative such as electrical, plumbing, etc that have apprenticeships too.
I hope this helps any way for you, I know you’re amazing and deserve to feel good about the work you do!
Take care/Mish
hi @Hoderi ,
first of all, i am so happy that you have been able to help others in such an immense way this past month. thank you for all you do for your community and thank you for sharing what’s in your heart right now.
this situation breaks my heart because i feel that so many of us would rather serve others instead of worrying about how to pay this month’s rent. it’s not too late at all though and whether it’s making ends meet at fedex and training to be a full-time firefighter through volunteering or seek out community college or training courses for something you’re passionate about, you still have time to flip things around. heck, my grandma wants to finish her college degree and she’s 80 years old. as long as you have the drive and commitment to change, you can truly do anything.
i hope someday in the near future, you feel the same excitement that you did when the firefighter opportunity came into your life. your future is ready for you to conquer. while the journey ahead might hold some learning curves during any new training, you’ll be so proud that you took those chances years later.
you got this, hoderi, i believe in YOU!
love,
twix
Hey @Hoderi
Thanks for your post, I think its wonderful that you have found your joy in helping people as a Volunteer firefighter and have found a wonderful family in the fire department and I do not think you should give that up as it has given you purpose and helped in so many ways so now we have to work on what you can do to earn enough so that you can keep that work. Have you looked in to training to become a paid firefighter? that was a thought I had? if that isn’t possible for any reason maybe you could talk to the other volunteers about what they do to earn enough to live on?
31 is not an age where you have to worry about it being too late for anything, you have so many years ahead, you can still choose to do anything you wish in life. You can carry on with what you are doing if that makes you happy or get some training for something to get something better.
Please don’t give up, don’t give up on what you love or on yourself. what you do makes such a difference and you are wonderful for doing it.
I hope you find something that earns you enough and keeps you happy because you deserve that.
Much Love
Lisa 
Thank you everyone. My plans are to move forward to being a paid firefighter but that will take time. I don’t look down on retail jobs, I just have ridiculously high expectations for myself, plus wage garnishments that make low paying jobs a no go for me or else I can’t afford rent. Between everything you all have said and a few other people I could get to answer me I have kinda figured out what needs to be done.
Glad to hear back, you got this!
Hey @hoderi. I’m 32, and I think it would be way too late for me to start firefighting. Put that into perspective. You’re starting something now that, in my mind, is something that people start doing much younger, and I think that is huge! I want to say a huge congratulations for that!
Fedex is a tough job, that’s no secret. long, strict hours and hard physical labor are hard enough on their own, never mind when you’re trying to fight fires on the side. To echo @mishsim, maybe consider a less taxing job that still pays decently well, knowing that it won’t be forever. It’s like the part time jobs students take. They suck, but as long as they bring in a few bucks, they’re just a means to an end.
I graduated with a guy who went straight into volunteer firefighting, and he went to the firefighter academy. I’m not sure how much time or money is required for that, and if it’s too much for you to feasibly squeeze in, but I do know he got a “cushy” firefighting job in a small quiet suburb. In any case, it’s inevitable that you’ll get picked up by a fire department eventually, and all the hassle you went through at this time will no longer matter. Good job hustling to get what you want, and good luck!
Thank you, and yeah I know a lot of people join up when younger. But I had this idea in my head for a long time that Being that I am short I couldn’t be a firefighter, possibly just an excuse I used when I was younger to avoid trying and failing again. Doing schooling for it right now is a bit too much for me, considering all of next month will be doing training after work except on weekends. But it is okay, because I set goals and time periods for things, trying to be realistic with myself. My issue with Fedex is sadly all in my head. All people do is talk about how good I am considering I haven’t even been working there 2 weeks. Some of the leads in certain areas would even rather have me than someone who has been there longer. My problem is I have to do the best possible, I don’t need to be the best, I could care less about that. I just have to do my best no matter what, and on days when we have 50k packages getting backed up is inevitable, and I start to beat myself up at that point. Again thank you everyone.
Im really pleased @Hoderi that you have decided what you want to do and I hope that it all works out for you. I have every faith in you that indeed it will and I hope to hear in the future how you are doing.
Best of luck
Lisa
I wish this was good news, but the way they push and push their employees at Fedex Ground. I am now recovering from a mild concussion I got on the 7th. I don’t know if it is just the concussion making things worse, but I feel like I am just a failure through and through. I live with my brother and his family and the rely on me to pay my part of the rent. My ER visit only excuses me from work through today, and I still have the same ongoing and growing headache from when it happened. I am pushing myself to return to work tonight even though I don’t feel up to it because my brother is concerned that I am too unreliable. ( with different word usage) This really hurt me and lead me to tell him I think they should downgrade their apartment when the lease is up and I will just go living out of my car. I don’t know what to do, I have my hopes and dreams but that is just what they are. I feel like I am too broken and damaged by others to actually have a good life. My brother doesn’t understand any of this and I have no one I know that I can turn to for help. I struggle with self esteem, can’t hold a job. I have no real friends, nobody close to me gives a damn about me. All I am is a fucking burden to everyone around me. Now I am having thoughts about just giving up on the volunteer fire department, I have tried to find support groups around my area to join, but they want 100-150 per session, I can’t afford that shit. I am trying everything I can to do better and to feel better, but when you matter so little that the people that you thought care about you just let your call go to voicemail. Or like my brother who are too absorbed in their video games to sit down and have a legitimate conversation with a hurting brother. It really makes me question why I keep trying. My brother has a means for motivation, he has his own family now, but I have no one. He is all I really have and he doesn’t even care enough. Why should I keep going if no one is ever going to care. And when I say no one I mean physically there. I have a few friends who really care about me but they are so far away that it isn’t the same. I have never been good with this internet or virtual crap, it isn’t the same. You can’t sense or feel someones genuine feelings through text and talking over phones just depersonalizes. My heart is strong but my mind is fractured beyond repair. I really want to die I don’t believe there is anything left in life for me to live for.
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