I need all the the help and guidance I can get as I don’t know what to do about what just happened to me

[kaitlin]

On Saturday 11/19/2022 in Wisconsin, I when hunting with my uncle who decided to have inappropriate conduct with me,multiple different time while we where in the treestand with each outher all day.
He ask me only once if he could do it and I said yes as I was scared of him, I couldn’t say no before he stared and when he was doing it I couldn’t say stop, and before he did it again he didn’t ask if it was ok and I couldnt say no befor he stared doing it, and while he was doing it again I couldnt say stop because of my fear/anxiety of what he would of said or done if I did so is that wright of him to do that too me?
I didn’t know what to do in the situation, as I didn’t really know what was going on rellay, all I know is that it was vere uncomfortable when he was doing it, and that I was scared to speak up and say no because of my anxiety, I felt like I had little to no contoral in that situation, so that would put him in the wrong right?
I know I didn’t actually mean to say yes as I stared shake while he was doing it and just didn’t feel normal or wright to me, it not something I liked that for sure. So is that wrong of him?Technically I don’t even think I can give consent ever thought I’m over the age of 18, as I have depression/anxiety ,learning/cognitive disability’s that make me conagtive a teenager witch would make me ineligible to give that kind of consent right? and that would make it illegal for him to do that to me right?
He knew about all my disability and issues And he still decided to do it it anyways so would that make him wrong in it self right?
He told me that I can’t tell anyone that it happened, and of course I was aways told to listen to my elders so I have to listen to him right?
he said what happened in the treestand stay in the treestand, and I think he know that I know he done wrong and that he can can get in big trouble if I do tell, so is that why he dosnt what me to say anything?
I really don’t what to tell on him because I don’t what to get him in trouble as that will ruin the rest of his life and I don’t what to be responsible for that as that would kill me, and Im terrified of his reaction if I do tell on him as I told him I wouldn’t and I been tought to keep my mouth shut when there issues and not speak up.
I am scared of my family reaction as I have going to them in the past about the same person and they dismissed it and thought I was make it up, I even had the police come but my parents told them it didn’t happen so they didn’t investigate it, so I’m afraid that wail happened again as I don’t have the support systems that I thought I did.
I don’t what to-have to go throw that hole process of reporting and court and everything, as that would ruin my mom side of the family and I don’t what that to happen as that will make me feel Terrible and like is my fault that the family falling part, and that will be very detriment to my mental stability as I been struggling lately anyway that just not smart right now.
It has brother me so much that I had emsonal breakdown crying my heart out, and I haven’t been sleep much at all because I keep think about what happened,so it has had a impact on me, I know if I don’t say something I will get to the point I will not be able to function and I don’t what that either, but if I tell it could ruin my mom side of the family and I will blame myself for that and I don’t what that as that will ruin me also, what do I do?
The whole situation is fucked up at, and I just don’t know if they anything I can do as no one going to believe a special needs person if I report it right? I give up hope at this point it not worth it to me at this point it is what it is.
Please give me all the support, Guide, understanding, advice, because I’m really need it as am completely lost and helpless at this point, please try to not judge me as that the last thing I need, and please tell me am not alone, and that it be ok as that all I want right now.

[ManekiNeko]

Kaitlin, I’m so so very sorry for what happened to you. It’s not okay ever. Sometimes people do say “yes” to things from fear, but that bullying and intimidation doesn’t make it right. He obviously knows what he’s doing is wrong which is why he told you not to tell.
Do you think perhaps he’s hurt other people in your family? Or even just other people in general?
Maybe if everyone is too scared to say something he feels safer to hurt more people.
But of course I understand how you feel about it impacting your family. At the end of the day none of that is your fault or responsibility. How the family react to the situation is not your fault. They should always be supportive of the victim.
What your uncle has done is not and will never be okay. I also hope that you’re seeing a professional so you can talk about the trauma you’re going through. Though they probably are mandated to report any assault like that, but they can really help with the healing and with the process. And you do deserve to be able to not live in fear, and to then be able to heal and be safe.

[Sande]

Kaitlin, I echo the support Bimini gave you. You seem to see what happened to you pretty clearly. Your “consent” was definitely the result of great fear, and not in any way permission or assent to what your uncle was doing. As Bimini said, he obviously knows he’s the perpetrator and that what he did was wrong, or else he would not be so insistent that you not tell. I think it’s very important that you hold onto that truth. Your uncle is the one who should feel shame, not you. You were the victim. Hold fast to the truth. It is the beginning of recovering from this assault.

I strongly advise you to search out a mature person to stand with you and stand up for you. Please don’t try to figure out how to handle your family on your own. Your desire to protect yourself from their reactions is totally understandable, but saying nothing at all really isn’t the best strategy. And it is not your job to hold the family together. Something terrible and exceedingly wrong has happened. Your mother is the adult here and it is her responsibility to deal with her own side of the family while protecting you, her child. I realize that “the way it is supposed to be” may not be the way you perceive your family working. However it is never the child’s responsibility to protect the parents. It is NOT your job.

I don’t know how you feel about church pastors, but most of them under the age of 50 or 40 have received training in how to handle abusive situations. They will be able to correct any misguided thoughts you may have about this being your fault, or about God being angry or judgmental towards you. A pastor can be a great ally in dealing with your family, and they should be able to help you find other avenues of support. Please don’t fear that a pastor will make everything your fault. God certainly doesn’t see it that way. God sees a precious child whom He loves very much suffering in silence. He understands how overwhelming and how wrong all of this is. God does not expect you to solve all of this on your own, and a good pastor knows that. Believe me. God is on your side and certainly isn’t going to tell you something stupid like “Oh, just forgive your uncle.” God wants you to let Him deal with your uncle, and focuses upon healing and strengthening and giving justice to you, the victim.

If a pastor isn’t available, or if you wouldn’t be comfortable seeking out that kind of help, I believe there are community advocates you could turn to. Unfortunately I don’t know how to find them, but I believe they’re out there. Again, you may be able to find that kind or support by calling a church and just asking for referrals.

Professional therapists are certainly the first choice for you, but I realize they’re hard to come by if you’re not already in their care. Here in California we have public, community mental health centers that have experienced counselors at a low or no cost to you. You might even try talking to your doctor to get referrals and help.

You wrote “I don’t think there is a good answer or solution to my problem right now.” There may not be a “good” answer that keeps everybody in your family happy and going about their own business. However, there are healthy responses to the horrible wrong done to you. Just shift your focus from having to keep everyone else happy to putting yourself and your family in a supported position to face this abuse and get healing for you.

Sending you hope and strength.