I need an unbiased opion

I feel as though my head is overwhelmed with a million different problems and although they are not life or death my body physically feels like they are. My heart hurt and emotionally and mentally I don’t feel right. I have been having a lot of issues with my family, my mom and are in a huge fight because she can’t except me as who I am. I am a responsible 21 year old girl who goes to college and maintains my grades. I’m not addicted to drugs or alcohol. My mom just thinks I am a disgusting low life human being because I smoke weed and am “lazy”. I work a job too. I know of course there are things I can improve on but it just hurts me that my mom thinks I’m really that bad. Recently I’ve been living at home for summer and she decided to take some of the things and break them/throw them away. This was my last straw and I lost it. We got into a physical horrible fight. My mom then goes to my sister with our options and this leads to me and my only sister having major major issues. My dad is around, my parents are divorced but now he feels dragged down by all this. I feel like maybe everyone would be better off without me. Nothing I do is ever good enough for my parents who expect nothing less than perfect, which I am far from. My only solution right now is to go back up to college where my on again off again ex boyfriend lives. Which leads me to my next issue of anxiety and distress. This is a guy I’ve been in love with for 2 years and right now he’s been seeing other girls and I have been trying to do my own thing too, but because of a dilemma with my new house I stupidly asked if I could crash at his house for the night before my furniture gets delivered and then he wants to come help me set up my stuff (because I asked) and of course I’m happy about it but at the same time i feel a huge sense of guilt and disgust by giving in to seeing him. I worry I don’t have the strength to cancel these plans even though I know he won’t care. He has put me through so much pain in the past couple months I am scared that if I give into seeing him it will only make matters worse for me. We have all the same friends so it’s not like I won’t see him ever again if I don’t go see him or let him come help me but I just feel like I’m giving into a situation I know is wrong. Why do I want to give in to a situation i know is wrong for me? Its so hard when I have the option to get all I desire but know that it’s only going to cause me more pain in the long run.

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It sounds like you would be better off without them, not the other way around. Love can cause anxiety for the wellbeing of those you love, which can lead to frustration when you can’t control them, which often leads to anger and it sounds like your mom went a little overboard with that. No matter what you do next, how your mom behaves towards you isn’t in your control. She might get angrier, or nice, but that’s her choice. That particular ball is in her court.

My rule for romantic relationships is to ask yourself where the relationship is going. Can you see your ex-boyfriend as your husband or life-partner? Would that be good, or this little square of Hell shared by the two of you? If it’s going to be hell living with him, it’s time to end the relationship. If you can have him as a friend without your previous relationship constantly making problems, have him as a friend (and not the kind with benefits). If you can’t just be around him as a friend, then thank him for the help he’s given you recently, tell him that you can’t be around him, tell him why you can’t be around him, and then don’t be around him.

Desires change. They are surprisingly fickle. People change and by people I mean you. Don’t wait for someone else to change into what you want them to be, particularly in uncommitted romantic relationships. There are other people, other men who wouldn’t say no to being in a romantic relationship you. You will even like some of them.

Things are going to be painful for a while. Your situation at home and getting away from your ex-boyfriend (at least as a boyfriend) means you are jumping into the unknown twice and that is very scary. But it will get better. Where you are going is better than where you have been.

First of all family doesn’t always mean blood. I have decided to break all communication with my father. I have other support from other family men that I don’t need his negativity. I hope and pray things are resolved with your mom but if they don’t remove yourself; distance yourself. You are more important than the things she says or does to you regardless of being your mother. Sometimes taking a step back helps them see how much hurt they’ve caused.

I have been in the same situation with the boy, I get it. I can’t answer why we give into things we clearly know aren’t good for us and will only hurt us in the end. It’s simply you do it or don’t. And if you choose to keep these plans just try to be as civil and keep it on a casual basis. Don’t let it lead into something more you might regret.

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