I’ve been struggling so much about this life for a while, things are awful then they get good for a small period of time and really bad and it repeats. I just want something steady good even just for a little while…
I’m tired man im really tired I try to see the light its so hard to carry through. Ya know I’ve even be in a psych it didn’t help before it never helped it made me feel even worse.
I’m tired of doing drugs with my friends… I have the urge to start cutting myself just to feel something, I don’t want to live but I keep trying to think maybe this will get any better for 3 years… I cannot really think straight.
Ups and downs are the nature of life. Hopefully the ups are enough to make it worth tolerating the downs. It is possible to have a few areas of life that are “steady good.” A lot of people find that “place of refuge” aka “steady good” in hobbies or projects that fill a need to be creative. Sometimes just a bit of time to reflect with a cup of coffee, can set a more positive tone for a day.
Have you worked or are you working with a counselor? My son finally figured out that “drugs with friends,” was actually making him feel lonelier, as without the drugs, those guys wouldn’t hang around. He decided he wanted friendships that were more meaningful than a common interest in vegetating with drugs.
Street drugs aren’t helpful in that regard.
Get some help, even if it means calling a hotline.
You’ve got a lot your plate, indeed. It’s good that you have decided to talk about it here. Even though it may not bring immediate answers or solutions, it is still a step ahead and a way to keep saying no to the urge of giving up or hurting yourself. Building hope in the midst of circumstances that feel like pulling us back is very challenging. Which is why it might be essential for you, from now on, to think about practical options - that already exist or would need t o be created - in order to break down the cycles that put you down. The life you are leading right now is not fulfilling to you - even worse, it’s hurting you. Though it is absolutely possible to stop doing drugs with your friends at some point, so you could finally focus on things that would be healthier and healing for you.
I’m so sorry that your experience has been negative at the psych service before. It’s really good and brave that you’ve been there, though it is true that it is not always a helpful experience in the long run. What you need for now is consistent/regular help. Professionals that you could meet on a regular basis on order to initiate some in-depth work regarding what you want to change in your life, and what you want to heal from. On that matter, I would strongly echo @Wings question and suggestion regarding the possibility to meet with a counselor. It might be of a good help and bring you the kind of crutch that you would need in your life right now. Ultimately, it’s so important that you surround yourself with helping people, that you build a support system that you could rely on. You don’t have to do everything by yourself or figure out every solution by yourself. When life gets too overwhelming and complex, it’s more than okay to ask for help from a professional if that is something you could access to.
Please let us know how we can support you the best through this. This community is here. We care about you. We want to encourage you as much as possible. You’re not alone.