Hey there. So I’ll start by explaining who I am so you can have background as to why this is so bad for me mentally. I grew up in New York. I was a gang member (i will not say what gang or where for .y own protection. But it was predominantly Latino.)
I grew up typical, no father, mom doesn’t notice you, the gang becomes family and now you got a stick. I got affiliated as a shortie when I was 12. So this became my entire life.
Rape, murder, extortion, shootings, no reportings and mamas left traumatized. Recently I’ve taken a big fall. I met my fiance 3 years ago. She was perfect and changed me. She got me working smarter. Had me feeling loved. Protected me. She was better than any drug I was doing back then. So with her I got clean, went to my first therapist and though it didn’t last long, they noticed a record from when I was in juvenile hall. The psychologist diagnosed me with ptsd. I didn’t understand it but I definitely do now. No .matter what day what time… My minds on my homies and my block. So she made me better. Completed me. She left today… About 15 minutes ago… And then I just got a call from my cousin… Little homies dead. I watched eem when my boy was in jail. He just turned six last month. A bullet went through the wall and hit him. He didn’t .make it. So now I’m stuck with all of this. I feel my past self tugging at me. And frankly I’m starin at the nine ready to stop myself from going back… I need help. I need someone. I need a friend. One who won’t overdose, get shot or get locked up. I need a real person…
Thank you for taking the time to read this