I need help talking to a friend

From stevethebandit89: i have a friend that is having some “thoughts” and i have been trying to listen to her a lot even been googling stuff but i reached a point that i really dont know what to do … i would appreciate any advice someone might be able to give regarding this
most stuff on google just end up saying “seek help from a hotline” or something along those lines and those do not exist in my country at all
she has been talking about her depression with me for over a year now but recently its been increasing a lot and mentioning “wanting to end it” … very recently she deleted all her social media and i instantly thought the worst but i ended up getting in contact with her … she only uses whatsapp now to talk to me and a few of her family members… the last week i was able to call her twice and both times she was crying and wouldnt tell me why

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From stevethebandit89: i need any help i can get of how to talk to her

From rohini_868: Hi Steve, this is such a difficult position to be in, especially if you can’t see them in person. Do you know if she is close to any of her family members? Are you both in the same country?

From stevethebandit89: was just talking to her and she was crying again and said she will go sleep … she isnt very close to her family as from what i understand her family dont believe her and arent taking it seriously they think she is just “sad”

From stevethebandit89: the other issue is that i used to talk to her a lot more before but recently moved to germany and she stayed in iraq which i feel made her feel worse

From stevethebandit89: im going back to iraq next week to visit and ill stay for about a month or so

From stevethebandit89: i moved here about a year ago

From stevethebandit89: i might remove this whole post if i manage to convince her to join this discord as i dont want her to know about me posting this

From rohini_868: of course, her comfort here is totally understood. I’m glad you’ll be there in a week, but I must also suggest that you take care of yourself as well during this time. Make sure you are also being supported by your loved ones, (and in your online communities etc). Depression is difficult to navigate and it sometimes requires intervention via meds, therapy, etc because it takes effort to deal with it. Im so sorry that her family don’t seem to be putting enough effort into supporting her right now. . Would she be able to go see a doctor there? Are there any hobbies she used to like or things that she was involved in?

From stevethebandit89: im trying to get her to go to the gym she loved doing that before … i would be able to convince her if i go with her but unfortunately just like everything in my country its single sex gyms … and the unisex ones are extremely expensive and in our culture women that go there are “questionable” if you know what i mean

From stevethebandit89: and as far as the doctor goes … there have been very very few that have psychiatry degrees to deal with such issues in the recent year though their waitlist is extremely long … she has an appointment in 3 months or so

From stevethebandit89: this is why i am finding this extremely difficult as most solutions or treatments just dont exist in my country

From stevethebandit89: i have also been trying to convince her to come to germany for tourism

From rohini_868: Maybe as an interim, she can join an internet fitness app or something, like i know there are free yoga apps with 30 day challenges etc, so she can still get active and do something fun/new while being safe.

From stevethebandit89: and i would be able to take her here and see some places … though speaking with a specialist is another matter entirely since she cant speak german … even though there are many english speaking doctors here she has no health insurance to cover the costs

From micro_tato: Hey <@506177900203081738> - checking in on you: how have you been doing since you posted here? Any updates on this situation with your friend? How have you been navigating these conversations with her since then

From stevethebandit89: hey thank you very much for checking in i really appreciate it … she seems to be more stable now but still disappears every once in a while … not sure if i am reading things correctly but i hope i am … currently i havent spoken to her in about a week but that is the usual case … last we spoke i felt she is doing better but again im not really sure

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From micro_tato: Thank you for sharing these updates :heart:. I truly admire and respect your care and how you’ve been showing up for her. It sounds like you also just respect the boundaries you both have, which is great - especially as when we’re worried about someone, we can end up over-messaging them. I do hope that she feels better, but also that you manage to take care of yourself too. Thank you for caring about others the way you do.

From stevethebandit89: imma be honest i dont consider myself to be a very nice person generally speaking but i do care about this person a lot … and yea i usually drop her a message or 2 per week and wait for her to respond when she is free … she is a veterinarian and she has a very busy schedule … its extremely hard to make a vet clinic successful in iraq because 90% of people just dont care about their pets or are uneducated about them (i dont mean to say people in my country are uneducated i just mean theres a very big lack of information about pet safety or about how to take proper care of pets) so she does a lot of advertising along with managing the clininc and being one of only 2 doctors there … she feels a lot better around animals generally so i think that is good

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