I need help!!! I kept things inside for so long and I dont know what to do. It’s all surfacing. I’m mad, upset, annoyed, jealous, hurt and I don’t know how to deal with this.
Reaching out for help is a first step, and such an important one. I hear that you’re experiencing some intense emotions right now, which makes sense if you’ve kept things for yourself for a long time.
We’re here with you, friend. We’re willing to listen. Feel free to share what’s on your heart just as it is. This is a safe place. You won’t be judged, criticized, and there’s no troll around. Only real people who genuinely care about each other.
Thank you! That means a lot to know that I am able to post anything that is on my mind.
There is so much but the one thing that triggered all my emotions to surface was an incident at work where there was a rumor that I was dating my best friend which settled down. He asked me out in his own way and I told him I needed time to think about it life happened and i was going to tell him after the conference so that he had his whole attention there. Thinking it was a good decision. I then got a call from HR the Monday after the conference asking me really personal questions about him and our relationship. Which I told them that it was my business we were just friends and anything we do outside of work isnt for them to know. That same day I came into work and things were so different that I wasn’t even able to be around him to talk about anything that was going on. Every day I came into work angry and upset to the point I was crying for hours. He told me he needed to tell me something and told me he didn’t need an answer any more that he met someone else. I was shocked because I wanted to be with him and still do. I have all this guilt on my chest because it could have been me that he was going to see this weekend and instead he’s with her. I told him how I felt and it seems like he has been ignoring me. He told me on Wednesday night he needed to tell me something but said he wasn’t ready and would probably tell me Friday. He has yet to tell me anything and for the last couple of days I have been worrying what it could possibly be that he needed to tell me. I told him that he deserved to be happy even if it wasn’t with me. That as long as he was happy I was also. But deep inside I’m so sad and so hurt because I know how he felt about me and I knew that all he wanted was to be with me and I was just giving him his space to do something good to go to the conference himself and focus on him. He told me he wanted to go with him but if I went and something bad happened then he would gain anything from his experience there and if he went alone then he would be able to get out of his shell and open up. I dont know what else to tell him or let him know that I truly care about him that I love him and my heart hurts and is heavy. I feel like in a way that he’s with this person to see if he was able to ask someone out to see how I would react. Do I know if they have a history as friends? No. Is this my mind just going and thinking the most possible wrong thing ever probably. HELP!!!
Hey, read your posts. Try taking a deep breath, and calm your mind.
It sucks that you had to deal with that stuff. Liking best friends can be tough, and even more frustrating when the feeling isn’t reciprocated. Do you know if he actually likes someone else? Or any idea who it could be? It sounds like you work with him? If so, it’s possible he decided he wanted to keep things professional for fear of you getting in trouble with your job. Of course that could be wrong, though that’s not right that your work asked you very personal questions. You can try asking him outside of work why he would tell you he likes you and then date someone else. After all, he’s your best friend, you liked him and he liked you, so you have a right to know. He can’t just drop the subject on you like that and ghost you. Life can be pretty painful sometimes, but you can always remind yourself of the good things, or focus on other things that can discract you from it until he’s willing to open up. I hope you clear things up with your friend, friends are very dear to life and should always be held close, and handled gently.
Yes he does like someone, he told me he is dating someone I see it on Facebook and he tells me himself that he’s going to see her. I ask how his day was and he tells me it’s great I was with her. Which feels like a slap in the face at times. I don’t know who it is or how long they have been talking or if they even know each other that long. Not knowing the meaning of the kind of music he likes at the time I thought I was giving advice but he took it as I was not liking his music. His music is everything to him and that was one of the reasons he was turned away from me. It’s not that I didn’t want to know and understand his music I just didn’t know. He also said I kept saying that’s what friends are for. He hasn’t realized that I was scared to open up, scared to tell him how I really felt so I kept saying those things and he didn’t understand. As far as distracting myself until he is ready to open up is painful. I feel like I’m giving up. I have been trying to talk to him outside of work but it seems like he is blowing me off. I just want to know and just talk to him and have him talk to me no matter how much it hurts or what is said.
I agree with Systemofconfusion. You do need to take a deep breath!
It sounds to me as though you are hoping to have a relationship with a very confused person. The problem with that is that you will end up frustrated and confused. I very much understand caring for someone who is a basket case. It sounds like you do genuinely care as well, as evidenced by your telling him that you want him to be happy, even if it’s not with you.
I think you would probably be a stabilizing influence for him, but I don’t think he is ready to be stable. At this point, I think your best option is to give him some space, affording him an opportunity to figure things out on his own. It may take him years to decide what he really wants, and both of you may be somewhere else, doing other things by the time that happens.
Your employer crossed the line when asking you questions about him. If he knows that you have been questioned about him, he might be worried about what you have said, so it would be a good idea to let him know that you did not cooperate and provide any answers. That you were questioned, could have led to his feeling embarrassed and finding it difficult to be around you. That really was a rotten thing that your employer did.
Whether or not you get together at some future time, the thing to focus on right now is your emotional well-being. An important part of that is coming to accept that although you love him, at least for now, your paths are divergent, and you need to find a way to be reasonably happy without him.
That he is ghosting you, indicates that he still has a lot of maturing to do.
Thank you! I was away this weekend and able to get away from my “normal.” I was able to be vulnerable and really think about what’s going on and what I want. Yesterday and today I was able to tell him exactly what I felt. In return he told me that he was still drawn to me but needed her. I told him all the things I said were 1000% true and it had nothing to do with him being with her. He asked me out and kept telling me that if I went with him to the conference and something bad happened he wouldn’t get anything from it but if he went on his own it would force him to talk to other people. So I thought that’s what he wanted to go alone so I let him be. But here he was telling me that he wanted to go with me as a couple. How was I supposed to know that’s what he was insinuating? I feel like he chose to be with her to mask the feelings he has for me. I asked him if he was with her to prove to himself that he can get over me and to prove to himself that he was able to be with someone else. I never got a true answer and this is why I think he is doing this to mask his feelings. I told him that just because I didn’t go to the conference with him doesn’t mean I didn’t learn anything. That it doesn’t mean what I told him had changed I was just as scared as he was years ago to tell me how he felt about me. To now find out not to long ago how he truly feels. How is that any different from what did? I’m confused and he won’t tell me anything else. He shut down so now I have to wait again to see what else is going on in his head.
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