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I need professional help

I’m a 21 year old Indian. I know I have mental health issues some simple and some very severe. I can’t afford therapy and I can’t talk to my parents about it. I have contemplated suicide multiple times wherever I have disappointed myself. Yesterday I failed a course in college because the professor won’t grade my assignments because I submitted them late. I went to YouTube and learnt how to tie the hangmans knot. I have done this many times. I tied and and wondered if the fan could hold my weight or not. In the end I couldn’t take a chance. Unless I was convinced I would die I couldn’t do it.
Now I’m studying for the final exam of the same course knowing that I’ll fail.
I have been a mess for the last 4 months. I haven’t been eating or sleeping properly.
I have other problems I am not comfortable sharing here.

I want help. I want someone to talk to. I can’t go on like this anymore . I want someone professional to look at me and tell what’s wrong.
If anybody here wants to help me please tell me what to do.
Is there any way a student like me can get therapy for free?

I feel like I desperately need it.

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Hi, welcome :hrtlegolove:

If you are in the United States, usually collages have something called campus services and provide programs and resources for personal, social, health, financial and other issues. You could go there and talk to someone, perhaps you can get some therapy for free or other alternatives that might help.

Going thu mental issues and not knowing how to cope is so hard and I’m sorry your in this situation right now, but most things are temporary and we find ways to rise out of the darkness. A lot of us who visit this forum have had multiple suicide attempts and have been though very dark times, so we can relate to a lot of what you’re feeling. So, know that we see you.

You are worthy of life.

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Thanks a lot for that @Mystrose. I feel really alone. I wish I could talk to my parents about this. I really love them.
I’m from India and I don’t think my college has any provision for this kind of thing.

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I wonder if you could talk to someone at your school and ask? I’m not sure how different countries handle mental health.

Why can’t you talk to your parents?

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Your family may already be aware of the pressure that college put on their students? I’m sure they want you to be successful, but also happy, and with them. It may be hard for you to open up to them at first, there might be some lack of knowledge on their part and they may not know the right words to say, but I’m CERTAIN that they would want to know what’s going on in your head and heart, and not find out after something irreversible is done.

Are there any local religious organizations nearby? Maybe you can see one of the elders there who talk with younger adults to help guide them? (assuming of course that you’re comfortable with this)

Have you tried changing up the way you study and prep for the exams? Maybe get a study group together with reliable people who you can share information with and make studying easier?

College years can be difficult, so it is essential that we take care of our mental health as much as we can. Not eating and sleeping properly also make things worst - if your body and mind are deprived of proper rest and nutrition, it makes it harder on our mental ability to cope and function well.

Does your campus have academic advising? Maybe there is a way to reduce your course load for the next semester?

whatever happens, we’re here for you. School is an important stepping stone, yes, but it doesn’t define you or your worth.
The world is better with you in it, your parents want you there too. Please feel free to share your worries and your stress here, this is a safe place for you, and we value you.

Thing can get better, friend. Hang in there.

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Hey @BenReily

John here from the HeartSupport Houston team - we responded to your post in video form here - we very much hope it helps. Hold Fast friend!

Here are the resources we reference in the video - please try and let us know what you think:

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Thank you very much for responding. It makes me feel better to know that I was heard. I will try to fight this. I will check out betterhelp .

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Hey @BenReily,

I’m so sorry that you have been under so much pressure lately. The stress of studying, the effects of not eating and sleeping properly are, in themselves, some heavy burdens to carry with you.

Some good resources have already been shared there and I won’t repeat it. I just wanted to say that I see you, and I acknowledge your pain. It’s very brave of you to take the step right here of talking about how you feel and what happened. When dealing with suicidal thoughts, isolation really is your enemy. It makes everything worse and all the fears and lies in our mind appear more real, more intense. Keep reaching out as much as you need because you are not alone. We may not be there next to you, but we hear you and we care about you.

May I ask if you got rid of what you used to do that hangmans knot? If not, I’d like to encourage you to take that away from you. You won’t need it, no matter what it is. Right now, let’s just try to focus on how to go through these hardships, one step at a time - therapy being an important one, you are absolutely right. :hrtlegolove: