I wrote an apology to my ex a few days ago and I was hoping some of yall could look over it and let me know if I should send it to her, sorry if this thread comes off as a little dumb just needed some feedback and advice right now
Hey sorry for sending you a huge paragraph, I know you probably want your space right now but I just wanna say I’m sorry for everything. I made you feel like I didn’t care about you and I’m really sorry for that.I remember telling my therapist about you yesterday . I told her about how you make me feel, about how being around you changed me for the better. You have every right to feel however you feel but can you please forgive me? I’ll make sure my problems don’t affect me as much as they did before. I never thought I’d say this but as much as I hated therapy before, I somehow found 4 hours a day to go to therapy and it taught me how to deal with my problems in a healthy way. It’s been less than a week since I started going to therapy again but it’s really helped me permanently. I know you might feel like sometimes I don’t prioritize you but I do even if you think I don’t. I have more problems than anyone could possibly count. And on my worst days, I’ll go from happy to sad in seconds. I won’t always like myself, and sometimes I’ll even assume you don’t like me either. I’ll push you away and I might piss you off. But I swear you mean the world to me. My therapist told me that the little things I did might’ve added up and made you feel like I didn’t care about you so I’m not gonna go to Homecoming with Raelyn anymore I wanna go with you and I’m not gonna ever shut you out and I’ll drop all my female friends I’m never gonna do anything that would make you feel unimportant. I’m feeling a lot better now, I don’t feel as bad as I did before, I’m getting a healthy amount of sleep now You gave me the best 7 months of my life. I miss being on facetime with you late at night and I miss talking to you at lunch about the dumbass shit I did, I miss that cute face you do when you get mad and that and I miss that feeling I get when I hug you and those conversations we had in invisible ink I love everything about you, you’re a little energetic ball of joy and happiness and I hope you can forgive me losing you would be worse than everything else I’ve been through in my life combined. I’m sorry I let my past insecurity and trauma get in between us. It’ll never happen again I swear. I can’t tell you how sorry I am and how dumb I feel right now. You were the first person I ever met who cared about me and I feel so bad for hurting you. I hope you can forgive me.I’m not perfect, I make mistakes, I fuck up But when I say sorry, I mean it. I was dealing with some heavy shit most of which I haven’t told anybody about. I was losing so many people and I could’ve lost my own life too but I know it’s not an excuse. I’m sorry for being so distant. I know you’re probably still kinda mad at me but we had something special and it would suck to lose that. I love you so much boo. I’m sorry I’m so difficult. Please just give me another chance. I finally have my life in order and I know how to deal with my problems now. I promise I’ll never shut you out again. I’m sorry I couldn’t say this to you in person. I thought I’d send this to you because I thought I’d give you some space. I’m not used to people staying in my life for longer than a few weeks and no matter what happens between us I’ll always be grateful for the time I spent with you and the fact that you were always there for me. I love you so so much I hope you can forgive me <3333333333
It’s good to say you’re sorry. It’s good to tell her how much you appreciate her. Tell her you’re working on yourself.
The long explanations and repeated promises and requests for forgiveness, will make her feel pressured, and have the opposite effect you’re going for. Promising change isn’t likely to impress her. Demonstrating change will. It’ll take time to do that.
Some of it sounds like you’re trying to make excuses for your behavior. That’s a turn off. It sounds like your emotions are still unpredictable. That’s a red flag for her. It’s been a week since you started therapy. It’s much to soon to say it’s helped you permanently.
That’s the best part of the message. That’s all you really need to send. The rest of it might be better discussed in person AFTER you’ve been in therapy for at least a few months.
I think it helps you to have written the entire message, as it probably helped you gain more self-understanding, but if she gets the whole thing, she’ll probably feel as though you’re trying to pressure her into resuming a relationship that at this time would still have a lot of problems. The part where you say, “I know it’s not an excuse…” is an implied request to be excused. Try to put yourself in her place if she were to read it. That’s why I think you should just send that really sweet last paragraph.
It took courage to write this and share it. I appreciate it. I also give you credit for facing your problems, and it sounds like you’re making a genuine effort, therefore I think you will learn more about yourself and how to be a good relationship partner.
Keep the faith!
I hope it brought relief to you to be able to capture your feelings in words.
Has she asked for space?
I agree 100% with Wings’ comment. Give it time, give yourself more time in therapy to work through all the emotions and thoughts you’re having.
Sending that to her might be overwhelming. If she’s asked for space, respect that and listen to it.
If it will help you, maybe you can make this space a series of letters that you write (but don’t send) and that way you can safely express yourself and learn from the exercise?
hello! Wow that is so good you’ve been going to therapy and so good you were able to write down how you feel! It’s not always easy to admit to yourself or others when things get heavy and you need help, so I commend you!
my feelings are obviously my own and my opinions are my own, so u don’t want you to feel any pressure from what I’m going to share with you. I have been in both sides of your situation. Being someone who has hurt others and wanting so badly to seek reconciliation and on the other hand being someone who needed to step away from an unhealthy relationship. My suggestion for now is to perhaps share what you’ve written with your therapist. Show them your feelings and the things you want to say and discuss the scenarios that could potentially ensue. I can see your heart is in the right place and you mean well, but sometimes we do need to respect space. This does not make you a bad person, the things that have happened have happened, but you’ve learned and grown from them. Sometimes taking those lessons into the next venture in life is the best we can do for those we have wronged. They experience their own healing journey as do we. You’ve mentioned cutting out friends and changing things about yourself, but can I ask if that’s what you’d really want? Is that too one sided? Yes, we all can grow and change, but we have to settle for compromises. My partner and I had an experience where I wasn’t happy with a friend they had, but after long and open conversation we had to compromise and set boundaries. They are friends with them and are honest with me about the things they’ve said to each other (he didn’t and hasn’t cheated, I was just a hurt and bitter person and she expressed interest in him), and in turn I had to give some space for them to grow their friendship and let him handle the situation. He did so in such a graceful manner and spoke to me about the things shared in that conversation (have to send a second message)
(part 2)and I now have earned his trust and respect, and he has earned mine.
you do deserve to feel closure and sometimes that means sharing with the support networks around us how we feel and learning how to take the steps to grow in a new direction. I can see that potential in you so so much! I’m proud of you, I really am. Keep thriving, friend.