I need some advise please (about changing school)

[Vic]

Hey guys, I’m Vincent from Germany, I would really appreciate any advice you guys could give me about me changing my school.
So the last school year I was in 10th grade, that’s the time in Germany where you can decide to either quit school and get an apprenticeship (if that’s the right English term) or continue it till 13th grade, where you would graduate. I decided for myself that I needed that graduation in order to get the Job I want later.

Anyways from 8-10th grade I went to this school (Focused on Technology) which is primarily a boys school, not because girls arent allowed, but rather because they’re not interested in Technology.

So all my 2 buddies (which were really toxic) either failed class, or quit school, so now in 10th grade I was in that class in which I was a big timer loner, I was respected by my classmates and teachers, but I didn’t really had any people left to befriend, or hang out with at school (I tried, but “groups” were already formed since 3 Years, so there was no chance in getting involved).

Long story short, I applied to that new school for 11th grade, (Focused on Nutrition and Social) because I had no friends at that old school.
I was supposed to go there on Monday (14.09), but I have a lot of worries…
My parents and I tried to give me the opportunity to change back, after a week or two if thing went bad, but the HeadTeacher, didn’t let me do that. She said either I’m Here ( At my Old School [The technology one]), or my Place would be taken by someone else…

So my worries for the new school are: -Since this is a school with primarily Girls since it is very much focused on Social things and Nutrition, I don’t know if I’m going to fit in as one of just a very small number of boys.

• This is all new, and i don’t think I’m ready for this, since I’m a big introvert, and it would be very overwhelming…
  …

ANYWAY, I need your advise here : Should I go to that new school on Monday to find some new friends ( specially female ones, which i really want), have nutrition as a key School subject ( which doesn’t really interests me).

OR should I stay at my Old school, Take Computer science (Where my dad could help me big time) as my Key School subject, maybe find some new friends ( because half the class stays like this and the other half is NEW) ??

I’ve been worrying about this A LOT during the Summer break, and it stresses me out a lot…
I could say I’ll take the old school, be chilled about it, have somewhat good teachers ( I already know them), and find new friends elsewhere ( like at new hobbys or so) .

Or ill take the New one, but I myself thought it would be dumb to change schools, just to get some new friends, and my friends and parents said the same. I’m just worried to regret neglecting the opportunity to change schools ( eventought I wanted to try, but the HeadTeachers said I couldn’t go for a Trial), Especially because I’m already 17, never went to a single party and so on, and I really want to do that before I’m 18…

Please Help me, I have to Decide to which School I’m going to go on Monday!!
I REALLY APPRICIATE your help! Thanks a lot!

[Micro]

Hey @Vic,

It really makes sense to be stressed about making a decision like this one. And I’m sorry to hear that your headteacher wasn’t willing to give you the opportunity to “try and see”. I guess, from their standpoint, it’s understandable too.

I see that you posted a couple of days ago - and as it’s 14/09 today, may I ask which decision you made? I’d love to hear some updates from you. And I hope that everything will be okay for you today. I also feel, by reading your post, that you were more inclined to choose the school you already know.

I understand that the pressure of starting a new cycle and trying to find friends is huge. Though, I remember, when I was in school, there was always new students arriving every year, which created opportunities to meet new people - maybe this will be the case? There can also be plenty of opportunities during the year (even if it’s easier at the begining, when you all go back to school) to create bonds with a group that’s already formed. I was a loner myself, super shy and introverted, but also not being attached to a group specifically allowed me, paradoxically, to sympathize with different groups (groups that sometimes hated each other ). Whether you are in a new school or not, you can probably try to catch daily opportunities to interact, to learn to know people next to you and see how it goes. Sitting next to someone, asking for a sheet of paper or an information (…) but also showing interest for the person you’re interacting with. Though, I’m fully aware that small talk is not easy when you’re introverted. It can be a challenge, but that’s definitely something you can learn to do at your own pace.

Let us know how things are going for you - if your comfortable with that!

Thinking of you. Wishing you the best for today.

[ktStark]

Hi Vic I see that my response was not in time for your decision but I would love to know what you decided to do as well. No matter what you decided, your future is fluid and full of potential. Decisions like these can carry so much weight and pressure for the future, but don’t forget that the future can change and you can change if you ever need to. It may not be easy, but it is possible. So if you have to make adjustments in a year, that’s okay. You used this year to learn more about yourself and what you want in your career. This year will be helpful and full of learning at either school.

It sounds like you are very torn about what to do and the positives and negatives of each. As a female who went into engineering, I understand the fear of being the outsider and it seems like you faced this fear for both options. I hope that whatever you decided, that you are able to have a fresh start with making friends. I believe that you are a great option to have as a friend and other people will be able to see that, too.

Best wishes!

[Vic]

Hey, thank you so much for replying!
So on the day where I had to decide, I was very very torn between them both, (like 2 hours before school began), but when I arrived at the Busstation where I could either hop into the one bus going heading for my old school, or get into the other one going to the potentially new school, I decided to actually choose the unknown and go to the fresh school… thankfully the bus drove away fast, so I had no time to change my mind and get out.

I have to say my new school, seems okay, it’s not as chilled, but it still could be much worse, most of my classmates are nice people as well.
I tried to talk to a lot of people, even though I’m an introvert, I talked to like 7 people already ( which is quite something for me), and It’s only the beginning hopefully, I will try to talk to more and try to make some new friends, I’ll try to be as open and positive as possible.
The problem is that many of my classmates have friends in other classes ( because they changed schools together), or came as like a group of 3, but that’s not as big of a problem.
My biggest problems are my extremely sweaty hands and my thinking and memory problems ( which I think are caused by depression and a lot of stress and insecurities), but I try to hide my sweaty hands and try to stay open-minded (It’s only the first week, so I can’t say to much).
Anyways, I made the decision to try this school, and I know that I’m not bound to it, if things go really bad, which I hope they won’t, I can still drop out.
Have a nice day, and thanks for replying!

[LauraJane]

Hi @Vic I’m glad you have been able to talk to some people and that you are finding the school ok at the moment. I’m sorry you suffer with depression, I hope it goes very well for you and that no matter the outcome for you to be happy.

[Micro]

Hey @Vic,

Congratulations for initiating this new cycle and for going where your heart wanted to be. This kind of choice can be scary and make us feel like we’re losing other opportunities, but it’s really good that you managed to find your way.

It sounds that you’ve been already pretty invested in trying to interact with others and learn to know your new classmates - that’s awesome! It’s really not easy to get ouut your of your own shell when you’re introvert, I totally get that. But you’re doing it, and you can be really proud of yourself for this.

Indeed, stress/anxiety/insecurities can have a huge impact on our body. Know that you’re not weird for having thinking/memory problems or sweaty hands, and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. That sounds to be a very normal way to react when being stressed - even if it’s frustrating as it can be out of our control.

Personally, everytime I had to step out of my comfort zone (especially like oral presentations… my nightmare!) my voice gets crazy and I can shake a lot, which can be obviously noticed by others around me, which makes me even more stressed… a vicious cycle. But as you know how you react, you can find ways to try to calm yourself down, even just for a few seconds when you feel stressed. Notice how you feel - your heart might start racing super quickly for example, and try to breathe deeply with your belly (not with your chest). When our body is in a “racing” state, it can be helpful to try to just slow down a little. It’s not automatic at first, but the more you practice, the more it will be effective in the long run.

In any case, you’re really doing great! I wish you the best in this new school. Hope your classmates will be great, and the program interesting to you. Get some rest this weekend (if you can), it will be well deserved.