Back to heartsupport

I need some good advise ( social axiety )

Hello, first I have to introduce myself so that you can understand whats going on.
So, I’m a 16year old boy who is currently going to a high school in Germany( because I live there).
I have depression and am already going to a Therapist(there is a long story to it), but there are some other problems that I want to tell you about. The first thing is that I feel like im not as good as other people , if im at school, for example, I really struggle to get somewhat good grades, and I feel like, even though I try and study, I am just too stupid for some things. It’s kinda hard to study with depression… I’m currently really trying to structure my daily life because I have so many ideas I want to follow, which are just too much at the moment. I have a big goal as well, I want to become a Pilot, but i know it’s very hard to get there, and I Really suck at the subjects in school, like maths and physics, which I need to be good at in order to become a pilot. I’m currently taking flight lessons, but since I have depression, its not really exciting, even though it should be because I love aviation. It will be really hard to motivate myself to learn all the math and physics I need to understand in order to become a private pilot. But my biggest problem at the moment is, that im really “suffering”(my problems are small compared to other people) from social anxiety. I’ve always been a very introverted and sensitive kid, and when I was in kindergarten I found a friend because HE wanted to play with me, and we later went to elementary school together, so I got connected to other kids through him, and never had to go up to them myself. The same thing goes for when I moved to another location, I had a friend from the old class moving as well, so when I went to another elementary school he came with me. In this new class, I found friends, because people came up to ME and MY FRIEND, so I again didn’t had to talk to them. So, when I went to high school, I had friends from the previous class coming with me AGAIN, so I found made more friends through them. So when I decided to go to another high school, I had a friend coming with me, so same story for that. Now that this friend failed a class, I am alone and am really struggling to make any friends, my classmates told me that I am very weird in social situations and that I am really boring and way too passive when it comes to making friends. So now im left with 1 real friend and a lot of work in order to develop somewhat good “people skills”.I’ve really grown(too much to do dumb things, like a normal 16year old) because I had some toxic friends, and am still struggling with depression. I think that im, not “man” enough because I have so many fears, and am soooo sensitive. I feel like I’m weak, and that my mind is not that of a 16year olds anymore. I’m so scared of social situations( talking to people, performing in flight, when other people are watching). I’ve never really done any dumb things teenagers usually do(probably because I don’t have many friends), and I would really appreciate any advice I can get, to become more social, and stop being so weird and anxious when it comes to social/ performing situations. I REALLY APPRECIATE THE HEARTSUPPORT NETWORK, KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK.

Working through social anxiety is tricky. Some people just need practice. And others need to find an outlet to create conversation over, like a common interest. Just breathe and try to find out the right path for you. We are here for you to get you through your tough time! We love you too!

2 Likes

I just want to say, it’s amazing that you have these goals and interests. I’m horrible at Math. I’ve always had to try extra hard to understand it and do well in school. You are far from stupid. Some subjects just don’t come as easy as others. Follow your dreams. It won’t be easy getting there, but it never is. And it makes it so much more rewarding. Keep being true to yourself, opening up about how you feel, working on things, practicing, studying, and you’ll get where you want to go!

1 Like

It is a big step already to share this. I have had the same struggle as you, and it really is not fun to deal with. I’ll give you somethings that helped me with it. I started a youtube acount to make video’s (didn’t work out how i wanted it to) and i started streaming (still not big) there are people coming in my streams and i just talked to them as a normal conversation. Through all that i got more social and i got more positive about live. Believe me just watching little streamers and talking to them helps aswell. If there is one major tip i can give you is to do the things you love to do. For me that is playing games and although i am not good at most of them i still enjoy them. I hoped i helped you a little, and if you just need someone to talk to there are many people here you can talk to, and ofcourse will be one of them.

2 Likes

Hey Vic,
Firstly I have to mention that you sharing this with us is a huge accomplishment and takes a lot of courage so please don’t consider yourself as weak.
I have suffered from similar things in my past and I have found some things that have helped me cope a little bit better, I really hope they help.

Throughout the day I have tons of ideas pop into my head, things such as projects/tasks and general things I want to do. As you know there is not enough time in the day to do them and I get discourage if I don’t do them pretty quickly.
But what I found to help is just writing down all of the projects and tasks and setting out a timeline of when you want to complete them.
What projects are high priority and how would they make you feel when you accomplish them. You can write these out to be daily, weekly monthly or so on.

The other thing isn’t so easy to do but I constantly have to remind myself to do this on a daily basis. “Don’t play the comparison game”
It is important not to compare yourself to others and I know easier said than done.
We fall into the trap of “that person is smarter than me” “That person does it better” etc.
We all have own strengths and other areas we need to work extra on.

Like I said earlier, I constantly have to work on this on a daily basis and I have found a planner called the “Law of attraction” which really helped with writing my goals, feelings, strengths and so on.

I hope this helps if you have any questions feel free to contact me anytime!

2 Likes

Thanks a lot for the advice, I think you’re right, and that I need to practice making conversations more. I think it’s going to stay hard, till I reach a point where it’ll get easier:grinning:

Thanks:slightly_smiling_face: Ill try my best.

I am acctualy doing something similar, im currently making a podcast( for myself) where I just let out all the bad emotions and it kinda helps.

Thanks a lot for your advice. Your right, its very important to be organized, it makes everything a little less stressful, and ill make sure to prioritize, what really is important to me. and by the way, I really like what you are doing on your twitch( beeing really authentic), and not putting a mask on.

If you want someone to talk to i can give my discord and we can talk and get you started on social conversations. It’s just an idea.

1 Like

You are so welcome and please feel free to contact me anytime.
I appreciate the kind words regarding my streams, I encourage everyone in my chat to talk about anything that may be troubling them and I consider it a safe place for everyone.
Stay strong - Much love ! :hugs:

1 Like

It’s good that you have one good friend! I have told my daughter for years if you have one good friend consider your self fortunate, remember also that your friends change as your life changes, rarely will you have the same friends all your life, I am super glad you have not done dumb 16 year old things and I bet your parents are as well. Each day take 30 minutes to let yourself think about and feel bad about ( if you need to) things in your life, after the 30 minutes ( no more than that) you need to make a small list of things you can do, like say Hi to someone you don’t usually talk to, or smile at someone, take baby steps, I would say that I am not a social person either, I would prefer to be at home reading, I am uncomfortable in social situations, probably for the same reasons you are, I feel like others are judging me… Try and prepare yourself before you are in the situation Ex school, talk about the things you know about and that are interesting ex… becoming a pilot. Places your have lived, things like that. You need to remember that you are an amazing person and you are enough

3 Likes