i’m really scared to work again. despite how badly i want to move out, i’m scared of being around others. it’s so hard to be out and about and trans. also the last time i had a job, they insulted me, so i’m very scared. i have really bad anxiety and ocd and i’m scared of having major panic attacks that cause me to disassociate. i’m also scared of getting the virus even though my town is small, but i don’t handle getting sick well and i’m scared of not recovering. i’m really not good at interviews and i’ve failed basically every single one because my brain shuts down when being asked questions and i really try not to do that, but i can’t help it. i don’t like practicing with other people because i get scared of people’s judgement even if they are super close to me. and i have practiced doing it by myself and i still don’t do well. i’m just so scared, but i guess i’m scared of everything and i need to leave this toxic household anyway. i just don’t function well in the typical job where i have to be outside, but i know i would do well at home and if i had to talk to people, over the phone works for me. i’ve tried to find jobs like that, but i can’t. i tried to ask my sister for help on it and she just told me that it’s not good for me, even though i’ve expressed how much jobs in my town have hurt me. i don’t know what to do as an adult and i don’t want to be stuck working something that i hate with small hopes of being an artist. it sounds kinda dumb, but i just want to be an artist and author. i just want to be happy.
Hey limeytea
Im sorry you are feeling so scared. You have a lot going on at home and everything and I can understand why you are so overwhelmed. I am also in the process of looking for a job right now and dealing with the interviews and rejections get really stressful. In situation that feel overwhelming I think its helpful to back away from the big picture and try to brake it up into small manageable listed steps. I get really bad anxiety to and this took me a wile to start doing but it helps a lot.
I am not very good at interviews or like to practice them with people ether but if you go on youtube and listen to good interviews or you could look at an interview question list and try writing out your answers can be a good way to practice.
Im sorry that you have been hurt by people in your town and that your sister isnt wanting to help you. I believe your are strong and you are brave enough to share your story here. I think your dream of wanting to be an artist and an author are amazing and not dumb at all! You are very loved, I remember talking with you a couple days ago have been praying for you and your situation ever sense.
YOU ARE BRAVE!!!
thank you so much for this, i really appreciate you responding and caring. it’s just hard because there are also no jobs here and i keep applying to the same ones, with getting nothing out of it. i feel like i failed already because i did interviews horribly and now that’s all they have on me and keep refusing me. but even then, i’m not sure if i can handle working anyway.
That is hard and I dont have all the answers but I believe in you. I think if you keep being persistent something will eventual work but that is really hard. Remember to give yourself grace 