I have a therapist, I just don’t talk to him about everything. I think I need to though, because everything is getting to the point where I can’t control it. I end up daydreaming and zoning out to the point of hours on end just to procrastinate. I’m constantly thinking and wishing I lived in another world and not knowing who I am, sometimes where I am, and wtf I’m doing. Idk what I’m doing with my life, idk what I want anymore. I just want to be happy but I’m not happy anymore unless I’m with friends. I’m seriously starting to think I need more medications or something, if not that I need to tell my therapist but I don’t want to because I know they won’t understand. Maybe in the next 10yrs they would, since I’ve met other people with this issue but they’re all gen Z. Idk what’s going to happen but I wish I could shut myself up or just give up. Make up my fucking mind uk? I’m so done, I’m so tired. My headmates are tired. We are all kind of giving up on caring anymore. The mood changes from high to low in seconds every day and I’m exauhsted by it. I’m becoming emotionally codependent and I don’t think I can stop it unless I just leave this school. I think I need to drop out, or I will fail. Either way. I can’t do this. I can’t. I get up every morning and tell myself “What are we gonna fuck up at today?” I’m not always like this, in the middle of the day I’m motivated, as soon as I get home tho I just give up. Then I wake up at 3am in the morning and that’s when I decide to do all my work. I know I sound stupid. But I seriously don’t think this is normal laziness. I think I’m mentally and emotionally exhausted. I just want to stop existing. I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to be real. I want to dissapear. Why? Idk anymore. Idk I question everything and think and think and I never shut the fuck up. I just wanna bang my head on a wall and knock myself out sometimes. Being told to just smoke, idk tho, I feel like it’ll make it worse. I want more of the meds I take tho. It makes me pass out. But I shouldn’t focus on not existing I need to focus on growing BUT I FUCKING CANT! WHY? WHYWHYWHWYWHYWHY???
Goddd… Just GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HEAD!
I just want someone to hug me man…
Someone please get me out of here…
Update: I took a maladaptive daydreaming test and it came out high on the scale. I want to contact the doctor for the evaluation I was supposed to get 4 FUCKING WEEKS AGO, but they never called back. My mom called them and told them how they never answered and they said that it wasn’t right to do that- bc we already had the interview and they said they’d call us back in 3 days- and to give them a few mins and they’d call her right back: they never fucking called back. Idk whats going on but something is obviously not right. Something is wrong and they’re just ignoring our calls because of it.
I have 3 tests today all in order one test with 15 fill in the blank questions and the rest lik 60-80 questions. I’m so tired and I just want to stop existing.
-X
I’m sorry that you’re tired and frustrated. But keep on existing! Otherwise, I’ll miss you. Keep calling the office back. Try calling at different times of the day. It sounds like the practice is overloaded or disorganized. Be persistent, but don’t lose your cool.
This topic was automatically closed after 365 days. New replies are no longer allowed.