I never thought I'd be this person

This is hard to admit especially as I am a lead a team in the Support Wall Response Group, but I am struggling.

I never thought I would be the person to deal with pornography, but here I am. I’m leaning on the Lord, but man is it tough. I’ve narrowed down the root of it being I feel alone. I believe that I will always be alone. I’m 22, never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, all my friends are getting getting married/engaged/in great relationships and here I am.
So if you have any advice, I am tired of struggling with this.

Thanks friends and as always, hold fast.


Hey Sarah,

First, I want to thank you so very much for being honest and open with us. I think when it comes to loneliness, it is understandable to want to turn to something instant so that we can feel better even if it’s just for the moment and even if it means guilt afterwards. It’s especially difficult when it seems like everyone around you is in a relationship and has their life together in that regard. But, know that you are capable and strong enough to fight through this and find healing. Perhaps installing software that blocks those sites could be helpful so that they aren’t as easy to access? I am happy to hear that you are leaning on the Lord even though it is a difficult process. Trust in Him and know that He knows your heart and will guide and heal you through this. We love you dearly and believe in you!

Hold Fast,
Hannah Rhodes


Hey @sarahmariejohnson, I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling with this as I am as well and it’s not fun.

I continue to struggle on and off with pornography, even though I know that it adds nothing of benefit to my life and it leaves me feeling of nothing but guilt. Please don’t allow it to lead you down a dark road that you will not want to travel, just because everyone around you are getting married or are in relationships doesn’t make you any less of a wonderful human being.

Romantic/intimate love is certainly a beautiful part of the human experience, one that should be respected and handled with care. Too often people rush into relationships that are not right for them and end up causing more harm than anything. I would encourage you to take stock of the love you do have in your life, whether it be from family or friends. Check in with them, talk to them, spend time with them, and open up to them if you’re comfortable. I would also encourage you to continue focusing on yourself; you’re a lead of a team in the Support Wall Response Group, that’s awesome! Continue focusing on how you make yourself the best self you want to be!

You’re loved here! Hold fast!

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Hey Sarah,

First I want to say welcome to the community, and I’m so glad you are here and part of this community. I want to remind you that you are loved and welcomed here despite whatever you are going through, and you are never alone, and specifically in this struggle you are not alone!

There’s two things I want to have you look at:

^^ These two things from Nate, one of the staff members here at heart support is what started me on my journey of healing and freedom from my addiction to pornography (that I’ve struggled with for going on three years now). So not only is this a reminder that you are not alone in your struggles, but also that we see you, and people in this heart support family struggle with this as well.

It’s interesting time, as I stumbled across this topic after talking with someone else about this, and providing similar resources to them as well. Also there’s another post on the support wall about someone struggling with this same thing. I feel like I’m stealing Nate’s thunder here, but a lot of the advice I’m giving you is the same advice he gave me. So here it goes, first you need to stop focusing on days clean from this and start desiring freedom. What this doesn’t mean is that you should continue to watch porn until you’re free from it, rather the desire for freedom from this addiction is what we should want and long for. “Recovery is a 2-5 year process with a miracle from God everyday.” I’ve heard this a million times and it’s so true, recovery is a process and is not going to happen overnight.

The next thing that’s been really helpful for me is journaling, I’m pretty sure this model came from the 12-Steps Program but I may be wrong. But most of the time when relapse occurs (with any addiction we go through these things), and it’s called the FASTER Scale

F- Forgetting Priorities
A- Anxiety
S- Speeding Up
T- Ticked Off
E- Exhausted
R- Relapse

So in my time journaling I go through these things, and I journal these everyday whether I relapse or not. And see what got me to relapse, and if I don’t relapse what stopped me from relapsing that day. I hope that this is an encouragement to you. And I just want to remind you that you are not alone! I want to leave you with one of my favorite verses, and I hope that it encourages you!

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17

I have something I want to add to this friend, you are not alone. As one sister in Christ to the other you are not alone! This is something I’ve been struggling with for over three years, and it’s a challenge! I hope my response gives you some encouragement! Love you so much! You are not alone!

Hold Fast, You’re Worth It,

p.s.- I encourage you to read this amazing blog that Ben Sledge (the executive director of Heart Support) wrote about pornography: https://www.benjaminsledge.com/generation-porn-god-loves-sex-free-people/