I battle with suicidal thoughts frequently and have to really try to help myself come out of it. In the moment of hurting I know that I feel very sad, lonely, helpless and hopeless. I want to give up. I feel angry. But deep down I know that I do not want that. I want to thrive and survive. I want to live! I want to learn how to find happiness within myself and share goodness in the world which is not always easy.
Try writing out all of your anger, sadness and feelings somewhere. Just burst it all out. I do that sometimes. It doesn’t necessarily have to go public. In fact I often make my emotionally heated posts private till I’m calmed down and can filter better. But releasing all of the built up negative energy really helps and by the end of it, I usually feel pretty mentally exhausted. But in a way that is good. Because it let it out.
Finding some music to listen to helps. I don’t recommend sad or anger music. As it could feed the mood. Try to find something soft and gentle. To help you wind down. To help you come down gently from feeling so sad, depressed and hurt.
Maybe even sift through the VODS of heart support. See if something can really stand out to you and help you with how you are feeling and then share it here. Whether what stood out to you, or just whatever you are feeling in the moment.
People naturally will want to tell you to go to the ER or reach out to someone who can help. They just don’t want to see you hurting. I know for me, people don’t always know how to help me. I’ve had my moments of not being very receiving of people. Leaving them to feel helpless in helping me. And that’s hard. And scary.
I try my best to set up a safety system for myself and with people I can trust. That way when I fall into these moments I have some sort of “escape plan”
And honestly, it doesn’t always work. I’ve had to go into the hospital and ask for help even when it was out of my element. Even if I didn’t want to face the doctors, the looks or whatever I’d have to go through. But I did it anyway. Because I know it’s imortant.
Let the doctors be there and help you. Let them offer you a safe place where you can be okay. That’s what they are there for.
I’ve had both good and bad experiences with doctors but what’s important is that we are gentle with ourselves and allow ourselves to do what we need so we can be okay.
I want to see you okay. I want to see you feel better. I care. You are important.
Take it easy my friend. Lots of love