From foobie: I probably haven’t enjoyed life for a long time. Last night I was thinking of killing myself and deleting all my social media. My sister has stopped talking to me and I had to finally block her today. I tried talking to her friend and she ghosted me too. I blocked her as well. I stopped being able to do school work or eat. I am tired all the time no matter how much rest I get. My fibromyalgia is coming back because I don’t go outside anymore. There’s mountains of clean clothes in my room that I don’t bother to put away. There’s clothes on my bed and things I need to sort on my bed. I just sleep on the side that’s empty. Im tired of everything. Nobody really gives a shit about me. Everyone always leaves
I see you and I hear you. We all do here. If you feel alone, please know there’s no way this community would ever leave you. I know we haven’t interacted directly, but I’ve seen you in this community for a while, and you’ve always been so brave for reaching out when you need it. These burden that you carry, this exhaustion that you feel, don’t have to be silenced or dealt with just on your own. What you go through, how you feel, what’s on your heart, matters so much. If people left you, then they are missing out on sharing life with someone who has this incredible force inside. You being here, being you, is a gift to those who have the chance to interact with you.
I know this probably sounds stupid when you feel stuck at your home, isolated and overwhelmed. Also that there’s no guarantee to know if someone is trustworthy when they say they won’t leave. I hope will all my heart though, that you will keep giving a chance to this place, but first and foremost to yourself. Because you matter so very much, friend. There’s no one on this earth, and no circumstance in your life, that could ever change this fact.
If I may ask, are you safe right now? Are you still having thoughts of ending your life today?
I’m so very sorry also that you had to block your sister. This sounds like a truly heartbreaking and significant event in your life. I’ve myself had to set boundaries with family members, certainly from different reasons than yours, but it’s in itself a type of decision that carries a lot of grief. “Family” is a big word that can come with its share of hurt and disappointment. My heart truly goes out to you as you navigate this. Although if you had to make that decision in order to protect yourself and to protect your heart, then I hope you keep in mind that it was okay to block her, and you are not guilty of anything by making this decision.
You are not alone. It may not be a direct/1 on 1 contact, but you have friends right here in this community.
PS - the guys are doing all kinds of silly things on stream this week. If you need something in the back to bring a smile or even make you think about something else even just for a minute, then I’d surely encourage you to come hang out on Twitch. You don’t have to talk in chat if you don’t want to. I’ve personally been having a rough time myself, and just listening to it like a podcast has just brought a bit of relief. Leaving the link here: Twitch <3
We care about you.
We are here.
Be kind with yourself.
Perhaps take a little walk around your block and listen for the whisper of the wind. Listen for the bird songs. Hear the leaves rustling in the wind.
Let nature and God remind you that you are loved. You are cared for.
Get out and move your body. Cherish that you can. What a gift.
From foobie: I’m safe. I am feeling better now but I am still dissociating and everthing feels very slow. I am alwys hungry but I’m tired of getting up for food.
Proud of you, Foobie. It’s okay if for now things are very slow. Take it easy, one step at a time. They are times when everything feels heavy and we need to be kind to ourselves during those seasons.
Thinking of you today and sending virtual hugs your way.