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I really like him and want him to be the one

I’m afraid of the statistics. I’m afraid of getting too attached, but at this point, I am already too far gone; I am attached. The statistics say that most people don’t end up together with the first person that they have ever been with, their first partner, and I am okay with that statistic, I think it is mostly true and it was true for me. I am so young and I find myself in my second relationship with someone that I really love and I am scared that it isn’t forever. I know that by thinking about this so much, I could very well be dooming myself by thinking negatively about all the things that go wrong instead of living in the present and taking each day as it comes, enjoying every moment that I have with my partner. I just wish I could stop thinking about how some day it could end. That does not mean that it will end and we are doomed and we won’t last forever, but I’m just scared. I feel like I’m stepping on eggshells so I’ll just speak honestly. If it is true that more often than not people date and go through quite a few different partners before “finding the one,” who is to say that I won’t just end up heartbroken in the end because I thought this was the one and it wasn’t. I don’t want to have to go through this again if he isn’t the one. Getting so attached and dreaming about the future and how good things could be only for to just be some distant fantasy scares me and I don’t know that I would be able to take it. I know I’m probably not looking at this the right way and I shouldn’t even be thinking about this, but I don’t know how to stop. Nothing in the relationship is wrong, in fact everything is going really well. He is supportive of me and loving and I am supportive of him and loving and I am able to be a motivation for him to be better and he is a motivation for me to be better. He loves me for who I am and I love him for who he is. This is something so good and healthy and I just never want it to end. I want this to be my future, I want to live life with him, but for some reason I feel dumb or naive saying that because I’m just an 18 year old with minimal life experience and minimal past relationship experience. I don’t know what I am expecting from writing this, I guess I just need to get it out of my head and to anyone who will listen. I don’t want to ruin this. I don’t want it to be ruined. I just want to have hope and live day by day, enjoying the moments. Why can’t I just think positively?

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You’re not dumb or naive, a lot of people younger than you get into good relationships and end up together for the rest of their lives. If you really want it to work just keep present in the relationship and try to remain compatible. It seems like the communication is good so don’t worry too much. Just enjoy the experience and see where it goes. Who knows? You may end up being together for the rest of your lives.

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I want to echo what @Rosey said above. I fell in love for the first (and only) time when I was 17-18 years old. I told a couple of close family members and friends about it, and they just shrugged it off as me not knowing what I’m talking about. 10 years later, and I can definitely stand by what I was feeling back then. It’s hard to explain. That said, don’t put yourself down because of your age, no matter what people say. You know yourself better than anyone else does. Like you said, just take one day at a time, placing one foot in front of the other. Life is all about learning and experiences. Buckle up! :slight_smile:

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Hi xana,

It makes me happy to hear about your relationship. All I have to say is screw statistics. I’m proof that you don’t have to be a statistic.

  1. I only had 3 other partners before my husband
  2. I knew my husband for 4 months before we started dating
  3. We dated for a month before we got engaged
  4. We were married less than a month after being engaged

Nothing about that ^ should have worked. And generally, I tell people to never do what we did… But I also strongly believe that if you know, you know. The way you described your relationship is the way I would describe my marriage. If it makes you happy, by all means, stick with it. It would suck if it ended up not working in the long run, but what would be worse is if you called it off and had to live with regret.

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Catastrophic thinking can be a trap that leads to an actual self-fulfilling catastrophe. This is easier said than done, but live in the moment with him. I was with my first girlfriend for 5 years. I always knew we would never wind up married, but we had a lot of fun as a dating couple. I had my heart broken a couple times too, but with a bit (or a lot) of time, I got through it and learned my lessons from it. Love is a gamble. No risk = no reward. If you want to enjoy your time with him to the max, and have him enjoy his time with you, you need to let go of your fears and just fall for him and with him. Sure there’s risk involved, but loving without reservation is also how people wind up together forever.

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