after two years of hating everyone besides my one friend and not being emotionally capable of caring about anyone, i finally let myself love some people. i regret this. i put up a barrier for a reason. it shielded me from the pain of caring about others. unless somebody openly expresses that they care about me and actually does shit to back that up, i think i’m done caring about people. it all always just feels like a lie. and now i’m in the position of not wanting to lose anybody but being the annoying little twit people hate. i hate this. i hate myself and i hate everything and everyone else
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WE do care about you!!! Your’e really important to us!! You aren’t a little anoying twit! You’re a decent person! We really really care about you! And we’re not going to stop caring about you! there just isn’t much I can do… because I’m as ive said before… literally, trapped.
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Sorry if this offends you but, having a stranger say they care about you is nothing even close to having somebody you care about say they do. I appreciate it, but a stranger saying it doesn’t feel real or anything but with somebody you talk to and worry about, it means something. I want to mean something
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Hey @echo,
May I ask if something happened with the people you mentioned? (the ones you’ve allowed yourself to love)
Trusting someone with ourselves is like taking a risk, and I’m sorry if you were hurt and/or disappointed lately. As someone who put many walls as well but try to practice vulnerability more and more, I understand that it feels safer to just be on our own sometimes.
Be gentle with yourself today, as much as possible. I hear your frustration, and you haven’t done anything wrong by trying to open your heart and love people 
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nothing happened, i just end up overthinking everything and hurting myself in most cases. but it always feels real? i usually just try to get rid of my emotions and how my heart feels and use any sort of logic to make me think that that’s not how it is but it kind of makes sense for it to be which is why it sucks so much
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It sounds to me like you tried to open up to people but you were hurt because it felt fake? They said they cared but then failed to meet your expectations? I can appreciate this. In order to be “socially accepted” people need to cover up their real selves, because they’re afraid of being shamed, and this results in a “fake” personality. A person might say they care to be socially accepted, but in reality they don’t.
There’s two things I want to know. You said you “hate” yourself and everyone else. I’m pretty sure I said these exact same words a few days ago. My breakthrough came when I realized I hated them because I was angry at them. They couldn’t create personal connections with me or stimulate my intellectual curiosity and they couldn’t help me create the world I wanted to live in. They didn’t understand me or care enough about my wellbeing. Would you say you hate because you’re angry?
Second is have you heard about the author Matt Haig? I strongly suggest you check him out and any of his books. I’m currently reading “The Human” and its perspective is marvelous.
Remember that since the beginning of time there has never been anyone like you, and there will never be anyone like you ever again and that makes you special to me. Make the most of what you got while you’re here and leave this world better than you found it. I would love to talk with you about virtues that guide my life and learn about what virtues guide you.
Also there’s something only you can do that no other living creature in the universe can do, and that’s to love yourself. So at least take pride in that.
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One can get exhausted from empathy. As it uses a lot of energy from the brain.
Take a rest.
Keep a balance between being selfish and caring.
You want to be selfish(Your Wellbeing)
And
You want to be caring(Wellbeing of others)
Bamboo A cares about Bamboo B, but Bamboo A always makes sure it’s needs are met before helping Bamboo B.
Moral Psychology
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Do not show care to people you don’t trust who are hostile.
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Do not show care to people who don’t respect you.
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