I relapsed... again

Yesterday I told myself that I wouldn’t masturbate… “I would rather die” those were my words but I didn’t even last 24 hours… not even a day. Man I’m so weak, I figured fapping was the only reason or was the thing causing me not to focus but with me knowing/thinking that I still went on doing it anyways. I’m probably destined to fail aren’t I… This is probably my biggest demon and I can’t even defeat it . And when I said “I would rather die” I meant it, I really wanna stop… Its been over a decade now… Today we got an announcement that we’re gonna be getting face-to-face classes from next week but I don’t think I’m ready to be around people just yet and on Friday(next week) we’re gonna be writing a precalculus test but instead of studying I masturbated… and I was too depressed to study… I can feel myself literarily fapping my life away. I really wanna stop!!

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Hi Hoffman.
Thanks for posting. Please dont think about it like that. Relapses are NORMAL. They happen when we try to stop in our habbits and addictions. Lasting 24 hours might not seem like much but it is. Next time you might last 48. And then 72. Just keep at it. there is no reason to kill yourself bacause of this. It is just baby steps you just have to follow on the path and dont stop. You are strong for deciding to go on that path now keep pushing. You can do it i know you can. I believe it. You are strong. :wink:

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Keep trying friend! It’s a hard habit to kick, it’s physical as well as mental, so just keep trying. You say it’s your biggest demon – those big ones always take a while to slay! And maybe even a couple of strategies! Thank you for opening up and sharing with us. We’re proud of you for trying, and we like having you here! You can do this! Stumbling along the way isn’t failure, it’s learning what didn’t work or what needs more practice.

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Hey @Hoffman,

You are not destined to fail. That’s how it feels at the moment, after a relapse, but unfortunately these happen while learning to cope differently. The very fact that you try is admirable. There has to be a start and a first step somewhere. For now, that’s what matters the most.

Have you ever thought about joining a support group on this matter? There are online ones, based on 12-steps programs, that could be good to add to your own support system. Unlearning an unhealthy coping mechanism can be tough to handle only on your own. Being part of a support group could help you in the long run to feel more confident in your healing, including when there’s a relapse.

We believe in you. :hrtlegolove:

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Without getting too much into it, what you’re trying to do is TOUGH! It’s a socially accepted taboo, if you will, so on the surface there’s little reason to stop, and it takes A LOT of discipline. @Micro is right though. There is support available. Visit the Reddit channel r/nofap to meet people on a similar journey. Also, trying to fight it will result in you losing. Even world-class boxers get breaks every 3 minutes. The best way to stop is to turn away from it. It’s like carrying a weight over your head versus setting it down and walking away. That’s another hard thing to do, but if you refuse to “fight,” if you can form the mindset that you’re better than that struggle, you win.

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Hi.
I just wanted to say something about what @SheetMetalHead said. There are people that can help you in the r/nofap comunity but the movement has become a bit toxic and a lof of its ideas are based on pseudoscience. It can really help you and they can give you some good advice just dont let yourself be manipulated by some people there.

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Yeah I am in one… on discord the Nofap community thats why I’m mad I failed actually

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Sheetmetalhead made a very important point regarding “fighting” the problem. It is true, the more we think we have to “fight” a problem, the more power we assign to it. In other words, we are psychologically feeding the monster. It seems that you have long since convinced yourself that the habit is stronger than you are. That’s really quite impossible, because the source of the habit’s power is you. It’s the power of your belief that reinforces the habit.

So, “turning away from it,” is likely to set a more useful emotional tone than “fighting it.” If true professional counseling is available to you, together, you can explore options to decide what is the most effective approach to changing the habit.

I can’t imagine that cold turkey would work out so well. That’s like forcing a radical change with no adjustment period. I’m not anything near an expert on this, but it seems like a gradual change in frequency is more likely to bring about success, however, in this case, success may mean a satisfactory reduction in frequency. Some therapists would ask if you felt that you are compensating for some other perceived lack in your life. If that is the case, just knowing about it could help you deal with the habit.

Any established habit will leave a void in a person’s life if its suddenly stopped. Therefore, it’s worth thinking about how to select an alternative habit that could be more beneficial. When I quit smoking, I wore myself out with cross-country skiing. Aerobic exercise triggers release of “feel good” endorphins, often referred to as a “runner’s high.” Who knows, you may end up looking like Mr. Universe.

Looking at the big picture, even relapses are necessary steps in the direction of success. It’s how humans figure out what does or does not work. Mr. Edison failed 2 thousand times before figuring out that tungsten would work in a lightbulb.

You don’t need to fight, as you will only succeed in fighting yourself. There is a key, or aspect of self understanding that will help you to succeed. After transcending this issue, you will feel a tremendous boost in self-confidence.

Thank you for trusting us with this. It couldn’t have been easy.

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