its been 3 years. the last time i self harmed was june 3rd 2017. i thought i was strong. i thought i was better than it. i thought i conquered it. but i wasnt enough. it beat me. i have lots going on right now. i work 28 hours a week, which to me feels like so much, but to others, it really isnt much. i feel like ill never be enough. i cant work 40 hours a week, because im weak. im spoiled and cant work for my own good. i feel like im not good enough for my partner. theyre getting a major in college, and i dont have a degree, all i do is work without a diploma. theyre going to chile, im sitting in minnesota working an overnight job. theyre smarter than me. they have more potential than me. they could do so much better than me, but they refuse to leave me. i dont understand it. they could be dating someone else in college who has eyes on their future and a plan to move forward with their life, but they chose me. i dont get it. i feel like i make everything about me, and everything they have issues with, i turn it around and take away from it. theres many things that i keep to myself because i dont wanna make it about myself. i hide my emotions cuz all their last partner did was take away from their pain and make it about him. i dont wanna be that guy, but i cant help but feeling like i am. im so stuck and i dont know what to do. im sorry.
song helping me currently