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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to PUSHIT by Tool
I remember the first day that I listened to this song when the album was released! Of all of Tool’s music, this always has been and still is the one song, the one song that struck such a deep chord. I have played this song on my drums since with every ounce of feeling, every day at first and now once a week in the least. It encapsulates my life from the age of 6. That was the beginning of living with a verbally/physically/always drunk abusive step father. It robbed me of a childhood every single day until I could break from it and go live with my Dad at 18 years old. I lived in fear every second from 6 yo until the day that POS left this mortal existence. I focused on the inner work to be the person that I always should have. There are two lines of lyrics that I struggled with years before hearing them. I will not say though and sometimes still wish that I did one of them! My mother kept us there throughout whatever reasoning she had to do so, I do not speak with her now. I credit my Dad for always being there and always having a safe place when I could stay with him. He is the example that I try to follow.
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Thanks for reaching out to us at HeartSupport - I am glad you found us through the Tool reaction video and I’m glad that PUSHIT could be the anthem you resonated with and could use to power through the abuse you suffered from your step-father. I have never understood what drives people to abuse children - certainly it must go back to hurt people hurting people, and alcohol abuse to that cycle and it just is terrifying for the child, since it seems like you never know what version of that adult you are going to get. I am so sorry you went through that for as long as you did, and I completely understand that you have no relationship with your mother after putting you through that for so long also. I am glad your father was always there for you and could provide a stable and safe place for you, that’s huge. It sounds like you found a way to be mentally strong and prepare yourself for life by doing the work like you said on yourself and maybe modeling things after your dad and certainly not after your step-father, in fact, probably vowing to do the opposite of what he did. I completely understand how the lyrics of this song resonate with you and the abuse you went through, I hope that you continue to find music that fuels you to power forward and be the best version of yourself you can be. Take care and feel free to reach out to us anytime, peace be the journey.