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I repel people

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#1

Someone special walked out of my life. It makes me not want to get close with anyone anymore.
He says I’m emotionally weak…that I hurt myself and don’t go after things or own my choices. I know this is true. We got in an argument and he said I stress him out.

It hurts. I used to make this person laugh a lot. I really care about him but I made him feel helpless.

I’m trying to push myself forward as a person. I started housekeeping for money, got help to learn how to budget and set up a financial plan, started working on art again, and even been looking at massage therapy schools to attend. I get a lot of severe anxiety and end up drained a lot. I attempted to communicate my feelings more and lately he seemed more patient than he’s ever been but…
He said my inconsistency with emotions drains him. And that I get stressed too easily and complain.
Hes not the first person who said I’m too emotional and have difficult controlling my emotions but after he told me how he felt, my heart hurt.
Everything he said is true… I pushed a lot of people out of my life especially this past year. If anyone has any advice on how to learn how to manage emotions, I would love to know so I can just push in the right direction. People used to call me funny, I used to make people laugh. Lately I’m so anxious around others. Losing him bites and I don’t want to be in this cycle anymore.

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#2

That’s what eventually ended my first relationship of 5 years. It was a blessing in disguise because, even then, we knew we weren’t good enough together to get married; but it still sucked to end a relationship, and it really hurt to hear those things.

Learning to budget, making money, looking at vocational schools, and pursuing hobbies again are HUGE personal gains! Congratulations! They are independent of this guy’s choice to leave you though. He left for his own reasons. Don’t let this stall your personal growth.

Someone leaving can be like having surgery: it hurts for awhile, maybe a long time, and it may leave a scar, but you’ll be better off for it in the end. It sucks that he left, but with all the self-improvements you have going on, this frees you up to grow your inner strength and self-reliance. He’s not leaving you in a state of stagnation. You’ve got big stuff going on, and if anything he’s leaving too early. This isn’t to say “Girl, you’re better off without him,” but right now you’re getting better whether he’s there or not. The better you get, the better guys you’ll attract, and the more confident you’ll be to move on from guys who don’t cheer you on every step of the way. I look forward to hearing more about your progress :slight_smile:

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#3

Thank you. I guess however this doesn’t feel like a first. I stress incredibly easily, get depressed, and cry a lot. Its hard to connect with family and even had a few friends fall off in the last year. I’m not asking anyone to feel sorry for me but I do wish to break the habit of pushing people away. I really want to be mentally strong. I thought I was going in the right direction…I guess I just realized have a lot to work on. The thought of stressing someone out makes me sick to my stomach, particularly someone I care about and who pushed me.

#4

It doesn’t have to be a first, and it may not be the last, but it could be the start of a turnaround. These things develop over a lifetime and can take time to heal, but it’s about where it’s headed, not what’s currently happening.

Desire makes a huge difference! If you want to, then it becomes important, and you learn how to work on it.

Those two things aren’t mutually exclusive. It sounds to me like you are going in the right direction, but sometimes it takes time to get out of the mud.

#5

I have a hard time letting go. I contacted him today and it made him more angry. I just wanted to apologize. He said women like me are the reason things start to get domestic and police get involved. I don’t let things go and I keep wanting to try and talk through a situation instead of letting him walk away while hes angry. I just want to fix things. I feel so crazy.

#6

Well that sounds super abusive.

As for the rest of your post, I can relate to all of it. I’ve had a hard time letting go, I haven’t wanted to stop contacting them, and I’ve just wanted a chance to make things right, to fix any misunderstandings, etc. You’re not crazy, you just want to hold on to what’s normal. This is going to be a hard time. Just remember, better times are ahead, whenever ahead may be. In the meantime, we’re here for you.

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