I ruin my life/self harm

Had a fight with my last night and lost a friendship with someone then today started out had a blah woke up 7:30 (support get out of dorm by 7:30) I don’t get out still 7:50 I was late for classes because its a long walk over by time I got there it was 8:15 I don’t take my meds which effect me all days all days was blah it started getting worst when is start snapping at my teacher and being rude (which I never do) then the bell want to the next class was playing around with 2 students then we starting got in trouble so I want back to work then student being rude so I was rude back then another student got into it then I want back to my work then I got a marker throw at me and I flip off at anyone then a students started being RUDE SO I was rude back then they talk quiet behide my back called me bitch I walk out of class and flipped a desk then want to the smoking area then breath calm down I had my dorm key in my pocket and I used it and cause a wound all down my hand (self harm) after I want one the teacher I trusted told what happen I start breaking down and crying they had one the high ranking people here come and talk to me they know that I NEVER lose my temper like that
because of what happened I maybe getting kicked out of the program or in big big trouble ;( I cant do this All was this wasn’t my fault student was keep pushing and I blow

(I’m scared maybe anyone right I’m a monster ;( I havn’t seen this side of me since my abusive father was in my life I don’t wanna live anyone this pain I cant do it

I’m sorry that this is happening to you @Jaceofspade. You are not a monster, you are going through something and trying to cope with it the best you can. When we are stressed and pushed to our limits things that don’t normally bother us tend to bug us like an itch that won’t go away. If you feel comfortable try seeing if you can talk to a counselor on campus and explain what happened. They might be able to intervene on your behalf and maybe help you stay in your program. As I mentioned, you are not a monster, you are just trying to cope with life stressors. I’m sorry for what your father did to you, no one should have to endure that. I wish you the best of luck in this situation and know that we are here for you.

Hi Jacob.
You are no a monster. The things you struggle with don’t have to become you. Bad days happen. They are a part of life. but what matters is that we don’t live there. Don’t dwell on them, yes, easier said than done. But today is a new day. Your bad days don’t have to define you. Focus on the tiny victories in your life and think about those. Everything will be ok friend, let God hold your hand through this, let Him help you out :slight_smile:
Hold fast.
Praying for you