I screwed up my marriage

Hello everyone. I don’t know where to begin… I have a history of binge drinking and recently learned that it is a type of alcoholism and that I really I have a problem. So this has been a problem for us since I first met her about 6 years ago. My wife has given me countless numbers of chances and what I did this past weekend was probably the last straw. I was at a company outing and had a few drinks and came home absolutely intoxicated to where I blacked out. She called EMS to help me up to our apartment and eventually the cops came. I supposedly rushed at her and the cops stopped me and took me into the drunk tank. To top that off, she went through my Instagram and saw a plantonic conversation I was having with a female, which was on mute. We went to couples counseling the next day and I came to a realization that I have a serious problem with alcohol. I always thought being an alcoholic meant that you have to consume every minute of the day but I was wrong. For me, what starts to be a fun night of drinking turns into drinking uncontrollably until I forget my problems. I put myself in situations where I can hurt others or even myself emotionally and physically. I am embarrassed and regretful of my actions and am seeking counseling and planning on attending AA meetings. I truly feel worthless and she was the best thing I’ve ever had and hope she gives me one last chance to prove that I will become my best version not only for her but for myself as well.

It sure sounds like this has been a big week for you - one with some difficult truths and realizations. Try not to beat yourself up about just learning that you have a problem with drinking. Binge drinking is something that seems to be supported and encouraged by our society and culture. Not only is it amazing that you have accepted that this is a problem for you, please be encouraged to know that now that you have this realization, there is help out there. Many many people wrestle with and control their alcohol problems and you can do it too. Marriage is not easy and you have been married for 6 years. It may not be easy to beat the alcohol, but you can do it - you have a proven track record!

Sounds like your wife is a very special lady and that she really loves you. She called for help when you needed it and she has given you chances in the past. I am hopeful for you that she will recognize your realization and efforts to make things better and be forgiving of your past. It breaks my heart to hear that you were aggressive towards her (as i am sure it does yours). Nobody likes feeling embarrassed and regretful, but maybe you can remember those feelings and embrace them (instead of trying to run away from them) and allow them to motivate you to do better. Change is hard work. You didn’t get into this situation over night and you likely won’t get out of it overnight, so motivation is key. Allow yourself to be motivated by your regrets from the past to not repeat them again.

Also remember that your family doctor/medical practitioner can help with alcoholism. There are treatments and help down that avenue which could be additional tools in your tool-belt of recovery.

And most importantly, know that you are loved and you are not worthless. There are people in your life who love you. I may not know who they are, but i am confident that they are there. Don’t be afraid to reach out to loved ones, with humility and honesty, and ask for help. they want what is best for you and can help you with accountability or whatever you might need.

I believe in you. You can do this. You just have to take the next right step and make the next right decision. remember that every time you make a choice.


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Thank you for the support. I am motivated to make vast changes but what I fear most is the thought of her leaving me. Bottom line is that I took her love and support for granted. She told me she was scared for her life the moment I charged at her and that really hit home. She is the last person in this world that I would want to fear me. Over the past few months, Ive been stuck in a rut and in a daily routine, gained a few pounds, and was just emotionally checked out. Now that I am looking from outside the glass and recapping the last few months of our marriage, I realize what a toll it must’ve taken on her. I now can sort of understand the pain and emotions that she must’ve felt. Ughh I’m sorry for ranting, but I really appreciate the kind words. Take care.

I believe in you. I hope she sees your sincerity that you want to change. Actions speak louder than words, so I encourage you to SHOW her and not just tell her. You can do it. :slight_smile:

Something that has helped me make positive change in my life is “cognitive behavioural therapy”. Maybe check it out and see if it works for you. The coles notes of what helped me was that as i set goals to change my behaviour, it helped change my thoughts and feelings to be more positive and helped me make positive changes in my life - maybe it can help you. If not, that’s cool. Just an idea.