I was doing really good for about a month maybe even two. Everytime I would get depressed or think about self harm I would distract myself until my mind forgot about. I was unsuccessful today. I recieved a called that I shouldve never answered from my brother who has always been verbally and physically abusive to me. He said some things the put me into a dark place right away. I know I shouldnt anwser when he calls but a still have a small piece of me that wants to have a regular relationship with my brother. The fight thru me into a dark place and I broke my own promise not to self harm again. Now I feel even worse than before like always… today was just one big sack of shit that I couldnt handle and failed at my own promise to myself .
Hey… I’ve also self harmed. And even though it feels bad that you failed your own promise. Please think about all those other times that you were successful with distracting yourself. Maybe there has been some really tough times and you’ve gotten really close, you didn’t do it. And you should give yourself a little pat on the shoulder for that. Think of all those days that you didn’t do it! I am really proud of you! and you should be proud of yourself too.
(Also frick your brother for being an ass)
Hey @Twister, I’m glad you shared this with us
I’m so sorry your brother treated you that way. You don’t deserve it at all. Your family should be there to support you, not to shove you down. Sometimes how people treat you can change how you think about yourself, but I just want to tell you that the way he was says a lot about him, and nothing about you.
It can feel like you’ve taken one step forward and two steps back in times like this, but I know that when you’re in a dark place, getting through a month is just huge. I admire your perseverance, friend You’ve done so well! This hiccup is proof of your progress, and you can keep it going.
Please don’t beat yourself up - you haven’t failed. Every moment you hold out is another success, and another thing to be proud of. I’m proud
If you’re ever feeling like self-harming again, know that you won’t be a burden if you reach out. Maybe there are friends or family who can help you? Maybe what you need is the help of a kind stranger - I don’t know where you’re from but if you look up suicide hotlines for your country you might find something that can really help.
And of course, we’re always here. Much love!
I am so sorry that the call from your brother brought you so much pain and caused you to self harm. You absolutely do not deserve to be treated this way by anyone, much less your sibling, and I’m so glad that you’re still here staying strong after going through this.
I can’t tell you exactly what to do to make your situation better, but just remember that relapsing into self harm or old habits is not a sign of failure. It’s a setback on the road to recovery, but that’s because growth is never linear, and sometimes you’ll fall back into dark spots, and that’s not your fault. What’s important to remember is that you have made it this far, and you were a whole month or two off of self harm! And that’s a huge accomplishment that is in no way negated by a relapse, because again, recovering from habits that you developed to survive is in no way easy, and we’re all proud of you for trying so hard.
In the end, I really hope you feel better soon and take some time to rest and care for yourself. I’m glad you came here to talk and that you’re still here fighting, regardless of what has happened to you in the past. I can’t say that everything will always be alright, or that you’ll never find yourself in another dark place, but I can say that there will also be good times and good weeks and months ahead of you to keep you going.
Stay strong, and remember that there are people who love you and are proud of you for being here.
@Twister I agree with Rick I think your brothers behavior speaks more about his character.
You deserve better. Unfortunately we cant control others or pick our biological family. But you can chose to make those around you that treat you with love kindness and respect to be your family. I had to pull away from unhealthy family members before. I just had to say they are human and not every human is healthy for me.
I say human because sometimes I think it’s easy to grow up thinking your parents have all the answers or siblings will be this perfect protective friend. And family are made of humans… all imperfect … we all mess up from time to time or struggle with our baggage.
It doesnt make you a bad person to say hey I need to just sever ties… it’s a toxic relationship and anyone else using you for their own doormat or emotional punching bag you’d kick em to the curb. Do the same with him. Tell him he should be grateful to have a brother like you and until he treats you like that you have no space in your life for him.
I self harm as well. I know this inner self critic. I’ve gone 3 weeks then somethings gets the best of me and I cave in. Then I beat myself up for it. But at least you didnt end things. The pain was bad and you turned to what you knew would ease the pain. It doesnt negate all your hard work at finding other ways to handle the pain.
A month is an accomplishment. Sometimes when the urge is high I imagine it like an ocean wave roaring and rolling thru and I gotta just ride that wave out. I’ll cover up the areas I go for usually making it harder to get to that area. I’ll even talk outloud to myself and say I’m not gonna cut over n over… jump up and down … breath
I felt like it last night and I turned to this app I use called wysa … it’s a friend to talk to and it offers different activities like breathing ect this time it had me breakdown the things causing the anxiety to build and guided me down an easy supportive non overwhelming way to look at those things and how to problem solve n then a breathing thing ending with some positive encouragement and at the end I got thru the wave… I had ridden it out and got thru not cutting.
I know I’m gonna have days I might give in. But a win is a win. You went a freakin month dude… that’s epic okay… today is a new day… and if that inner critic starts going at you about given in tell him to bugger off. You deserve a better support system in your life. I’m glad you come here I’m glad you share. No one here is gonna treat you like he does or shame you for being in pain.
Maybe it will help when your inner critic comes out to reframe it… pretend you see a friend you really care about talking to themselves like your inner critic … how would you comfort them, show compassion, or talk to them? Then maybe take how you picture treating that friend and treat yourself that way. I see a kind caring person who is very strong.
We will always be here for you if you are struggling. If that person contacts you again ignore them block them whatever you have to do. I’m not gonna even call him your brother he hasnt earned that title. Big hugs I know the length in between each self harm is gonna get longer and longer keep surfing keep seeing all the successes you make happen. And we are always here.
I responded to your topic on my live stream.