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I seriously need advice l: I’m desperate


#1

Hello everyone.

As I told you last time I met this girl on my ride to school last week, and I’ve been thinking about the episode since then. I’ve thought about what to do and ended up doing absolutely nothing: I didn’t text her, I didn’t try to catch up in any way, and that’s all because I feel insecure. I’m not insecure about myself: I know I’m a pretty handsome guy, I know I’m funny and interesting…it’s just that I’m afraid of getting closer. I’ve been in a lot of relationships and i just don’t think I’m a good boyfriend. I tend to give 100% of myself in a relationship, and that always lead to people to walk away. Even if I was one of the most popular guys in high school, I don’t have many friends and I feel that girls can get nothing more than a pretty face from me. I’m looking for a serious relationship now (after too many meaningless hookups), but I feel like I’m not worth one. I’m afraid I can’t be enough for anyone. I’m afraid I’ll always be the good friend for people, but I’m not someone who’s worth settling down with.

I also met some other people (nice people also), but I’m just afraid I’m not someone worth keeping in the long run. I barely go out on weekends now, and it sucks as I used to always be out 2-3 years ago. Since then although, I never go out with someone, and I’m always alone. Don’t get me wrong; I always ask and suggest fun stuff to do, but everyone seems to have no time for me.
On top of that, New Year’s Eve is approaching and I still have no plans for that. I know I’m early, but everyone’s organising their parties and I’m here knowing that I’ll be spending another year playing FIFA alone or watching a movie. I lost my old group of friends since my ex argued with them all, and now I have no one to organise something with. All of my friends will be far from where I live and I probably won’t have the possibility to go with them, because even if I try to get involved, no one ever sends an invite.

I just don’t know what to do. The fun fact is that my life is going great right now, but even if I learned how to live alone, it doesn’t mean I always want to be. All of my friends say I’m gonna do great things in the future, that I will be someone who will be remembered, but even if that would be great (honestly, who wouldn’t want that) I just want someone to hang out with and spend nights together. Someone to bring to Disneyland or to the beach during winter, someone to kiss, feel, and fall in love with. I’ve been in love with a girl just twice, and I can’t find someone to make me feel the same things. It just feel pointless to have all these things to share and no one to share them with. I’ve got a lot of love to give, and no one seems to want it. At the same time, I’m so afraid of loving someone.

Sorry for the long post, but i needed to let my thoughts out. Thanks in advance to everyone replying.


#2

If you like the girl a week ago surprise her and give her a call.

Get yourself out there.

I know you can do it. You got this.


#3

Hi friend.
Lemme start off by saying YOU ARE ENOUGH. You existence is a blessing to those around you and to us here. Honestly i feel the same way sometimes, insecure about reaching out. But be brave. One thing i learned is sometimes we just gotta do things afraid. Our fear doesn’t nor should it control us. We all get fearful sometimes and thats ok, we’re human. But we shouldn’t let that guide our decisions. Fear is a liar my friend. Don’t listen. If you wanna reach out to a girl in a sincere way, go for it! You got this!
There is times in life where we our lonlier than we usually are, but i’m praying God puts the right people in your path :slight_smile:
Lastly, i know exactly who you feel, when it comes to wanting someone to hold and just spend time together. I am currently feeling like that now. I feel like i can’t make one feel the same things sometimes either. It hurts but theres a time for everything. Perhaps there is a reason to my current singleness and maybe to yours too. idk. But at the right time, the right person will come.
Don’t be afraid pal. Everything will be ok. Healing and bravery will come with time. Little by little. God’s got you, :slight_smile: never be afraid to reach out to Him either :slight_smile:


#4

Hi @frapioggia!

It can be so hard dealing with loneliness. Feeling like you will never find that special someone can be really exhausting emotionally. I actually dealt with something similar a few years ago. I felt like everyone around me was having fun and I never felt good enough. I pretty much gave up on love because I had been so let down in the past. The only advice I can truly give is keep your heart open. Love happens when we least expect it. Don’t close off your heart because you are worth love and you will find someone who loves you in ways you never imagined possible. And you will love them more than you thought possible. But to get that, you might have some heartache. And that will suck, but I promise you it’s leading you to who you are meant to be with.

As for feeling alone and missing hanging out with your friends, I am so sorry. All of my friends have moved away and I miss them a lot. But maybe you can find new friends? I know it sucks to feel like you are starting over, but maybe you are just called to go make new friends. And maybe you could reach out to your old friends since your ex isn’t In the picture anymore. Idk though. Whatever you feel is best for yourself, do that. Just remember you are worth good fullfilling relstionships.


#5

Thanks to all of you for replying.
I’ll be answering to all the important parts.

I tried to do this, both on purpose (I texted them since we now the distance is big) and I also met them by accident , and they’re all angry. I don’t know why, since I did absolutely nothing, and even trying to explain was useless. On the other hand, I met my previous ex quite a few times since I split up with the other girl (the two hated each other) and now we’re in good terms. I’d like to hang out with her more frequently but I feel dumb by thinking about that. I still like her after all.

Me too. I barely go out (I’m always working or studying tbh, and when I don’t I’m alone) and even if I met people in uni our interests don’t match for the most part (I don’t like to go to the disco anymore honestly, and even if I did I would just feel out of place). I didn’t give up on love, but I’m too afraid of getting close now. There’s also this colleague at work who’s pretty cute, but I just don’t feel like I could be good as she’s older, and even if all the girls I’ve been with have always been older than me, I just don’t feel like I can give them what they need.

My relationship with Him is pretty good right now. I feel closer to Him and it feels great. He’s great company, but as He knows, I really need someone on this Earth to share my life with. I don’t need lots of people, just one is enough. Thanks for you prayers!

Since I’m dumb and didn’t ask for her number, would a text be good anyway? I don’t like texting since I feel it’s meaningless for the most part, but I don’t have any other option than Facebook/Instagram right now.


#6

Yes. If it is the only viable option.


#7

@frapioggia

Thank you for sharing. There are things you said I relate to. There were girls in my school years I had crushes on, and I didn’t take a risk of asking them out on a date. Except one. She rejected me, but I was okay. I’m glad I said something. Hehe. I do want to be in a relationship. I just have to be patient when the time comes. It’s okay that you miss your friends. Everybody has been there. There are friends I haven’t seen in awhile because of schedules and priorities. This past Saturday, I hangout at my friend’s birthday party, with a handful of friends, and we had fun. I needed it. I haven’t gone out for awhile too. This a corny thing for me to say, but the best is yet to come. In time, you will be in a great relationship. You will have friends who be with you until their last breath. God loves you. Keep pressing on, my friend.


#8

Thanks a lot for your reply.


#9

You are so young, as we get older our habits change and the people we surround ourselves with change. When I was young there was a group I hung out with and partied with all the time. Well that and other things pushed me down a path of alcoholism and they enabled and encouraged it. As I got older I found that those friends were just people who didn’t want to see me succeed and just wanted to bring me down to their misery and use me. It sucks to lose friends but sometimes it’s better for ourselves to stay away from those types of people. Instead of looking for people like your old friends, maybe try talking to people you wouldn’t normally? All my friends are introverts but they are all great people who love and support their friends and try to always help. I think it’s easier for me to abandon friends because I did that when I moved away for college when my ex got them to hate me after we broke up. Now when friends are toxic i won’t hesitate to walk away. Don’t need the negativity

You need to do what’s best for yourself and learn and grow. As you get older, most people stop partying anyway. It gets old.

As for relationships, putting 100% into every relationship is not the answer. Your heart isn’t something you can hand to every person you date. Too often girls are put off by it because it comes off as creepy and clingy, not endearing. One of my guy friends won’t even try online dating because it causes panic attacks. He became obsessed with finding “the one” and treated every girlfriend like they were “the one” and they would destroy him when they finally broke it off.