I should just die

Hi, I am new in here, since I was 4 yeas old I was bullied by my own family, I didn’t had any friends because I am too weird. I am the youngest in my family and I just had my cousins as friends, the oldest ones hated me because they fought that I was gay, this made my whole family disrespect me, and the others just didn’t liked my presence and bullied me saying that I was mentally disabled, this broke me as a person.
I have a horrible anxiety and I try but I’m just afraid of too many people, when I was 12 years old, it was the worst time of my life, i got into a school were everyone was older than me, and I was Bullied again. I started to feel like I was unnecessary in the world, but never talked about with anyone, I thought it was just a fase.
In high school I was the only one who was 16 and didn’t had any girlfriend, since today I never had , that was a reason to me to become a joke, wich just made my situation worse, when the years passed, I felt worse and worse. Last year I started to have suicidal thoughts but my situation got better at the end of the year.
But in this week I lost a life changing opportunity, and now I feel the worst that I ever felt in my life. I think that I am a mistake since I was born, and everyone knows this, I was the one who never got it, I don’t know how much I can handle this, today I’m 19 years old, I finished school, didn’t pass to enter a College, couldn’t get a job, I’m just I failure.
Since I was little I feel strange, I am always sad, and just pretend to others that I am fine, I am broken, and pretended my hole life to be okay, never talked about this with anyone, I don’t trust any of my friends or anyone, and I just too afraid of it, my father and my mother stills believes me, they say that I am smart, but I cannot get even a single chance in my life, they are the only reason that I still try, but I don’t know what to do anymore, I should just get away from they, they still have my sisters they can still be pround of hers. I think the only way that I have is just stop being a coward and end my life already, I should never be here to begin with.

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You are not a mistake. You deserve to live just like everyone else.

You have been made with a purpose. It takes time to find that purpose but you will find it, I know.

You just have to keep fighting. Minute by minute. Baby steps.

You have breath in your lungs, and that’s all you need to show that you have purpose and you deserve to live.

Don’t give up. You are loved.

Lys (ur old pal Blurryface)

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