Maybe this is the Last time i even post on here . I cant even get myself to post this because maybe i’m the “only one” who’s in this position . i’m the only one who’s feeling like absolute garbage .
So me and my therapist talked about me and my dads girlfriend butting heads … and i re-explained what happened and we just talk about it and i mention how my grandmother use to treat me when we were alone with her . And i told her how that affected me to this day … and she brings up how i should do things differently like communicate with my dad and his gf when they make me mad… But i cant do that i just cant. My moms the only person who could help me vocalize how i’m feeling because with out doing it i would just break down…
She ends up saying how like she got told (by my father) how the gf is more like you do this and that (basically a strict parent) and its so hard to be someone else when i’m around her . That i have to put on 2 different masks when i’m with my family vs. being around her.
[background on me and the dads gf situation: We can get along but there’s times where we will butt heads and as i said shes more strict (my parents aren’t) and so we have different personalities so we dont mix easy. When we do bash heads she either tells me i have to do it, to compromise, or whatever when im around her. Its just not easy for me . so i just don’t know what to do anymore.]
Also on another note, Im just done with people putting stuff on my plate . I’m done reaching out . Every one is telling me i should do this , that and other bs. I just turned 20 like c’mon i need to figure out what i need to do rather then you giving me stress and you putting stuff on my plate. I know i’m an adult and i need to be responsible but putting stuff on my plate is just going to give my stress and probably an anxiety attack. I Just dont know what to do anymore . I think i’m just going to give up and be peoples puppets.Goodbye.
Hi, Ashley. My sweet friend.
I can see you are very upset still at your situation with your parents. It’s very hard. And I’m very sorry.
I can tell you right now that you aren’t the only person feeling like garbage and feeling as you do. Maybe you meant in your current house hold. Your feelings are very valid my friend but you shouldnt invalidate how others may be feeling.
Your parents love you. It’s obvious you guys are struggling right now. Which is common in families. The hard part is, you are consistently saying how you don’t want to communicate. You don’t want to work on it. It’s too hard.
That much is true. It is hard to communicate. That’s a battle I fight with every day. It’s an effort. A commitment. And sometimes is needed in places that are outside of our comfort zone.
I can see that your dad and his girlfriend are a very sensitive subject for you. But, my sweet friend, things won’t get better on their own. Relationships are a two way street. It means even when it’s not the most comfortable, communication is an important effort. Sometimes compromises and being selfless is necessary and in the long run a better service for yourself and your own mental health than it may seem. From my own experiences in difficult relationships with family, I know how crappy it is to have to be the bigger person, to be selfless or to step up when you really don’t want to or feel like you shouldn’t have to. I know that feeling. Been there.
But you know what? I learned really fast that my attitude was a huge part in my misery. Sure not everything that someone else said or did was my fault, but my attitude is in my control. How I react is in my control.
We can choose to lash out, be hurtful, say angry words, get nippy and stay stuck in our negative mind. But I can assure you, it doesn’t help and only makes things worse.
You say a lot that you wanted to be treated like an adult, not like a child. But you also say you are only 20 and don’t want things on your plate.
My friend, with adulthood comes a lot of things that we don’t like. Being responsible and choosing to make the mature decisions isn’t always easy or what we want to do, but necessary if we want relief from our stresses.
I know it’s hard Ashley. But you may find that putting the effort to talk to your parents more openly and kindly may help you more than it won’t. Working with them. I know it sucks sometimes . But girl, you’re going in circles.
You are angry a lot. Often with good reason. But I also see sometimes how you lash out at your parents in your frustration when it isn’t deserved. And I imagine moments like that play a part in why communication can get hard and tension built.
It’s an effort that everyone has to take. To be more kind. To express more lovingly and less with anger and attitude. To see from each other’s perspective and be willing to hear each other out.
I love you very much. Maybe it could be helpful to you to find ways to be more gracious in your day to day. In your routine, in the way you think, in the way you interact with others. This is something I have been trying to work on too. Especially in places where I easily find myself feeling negative or irritated. How can you be more gracious in how you are doing and interacting with others around you? This is what I ask myself. It’s a constant challenge to work on. But working on it can really help your mindset, perspective and how you react.
Think about it okay?
I love you Ashley. I care. I say all of this with love and care as a friend.