So about month and a half to two months ago, I stopped taking my medication for mental health. Just… Wasn’t up for taking it (still not) but I’ve seen a big impact on my mood since I cut it cold turkey. I have a lot shorter temper, easily annoyed, mood swings and suicidal ideation is full force. I know I can’t keep going like this, but I also can’t start the medication up again on my own (it’s just… Hard to get back into taking it after so long not doing it). But I also feel guilty for having stopped and lied to my doctors and people who care about me, saying I was still taking it every day and on time. I know they’d be understanding… And I know I need to start taking it again and the best way to do that is with a support system making sure I do it… But I’m not even sure where to begin that conversation. Everytime I try, I’m just washed over with the reminder that I lied (which I have horrible anxiety and trauma with, I can barely lie about anything, honestly don’t know how I have with this).
I just… Need help on how to come clean. Because I don’t think jumping back on all my pills full throttle is going to be good, either. Nevertheless being able to do it in itself with no support.
" And I know I need to start taking it again and the best way to do that is with a support system making sure I do it… But I’m not even sure where to begin that conversation. Everytime I try, I’m just washed over with the reminder that I lied (which I have horrible anxiety and trauma with, I can barely lie about anything, honestly don’t know how I have with this)."
The doctors and the people who care about you will honestly just be happy to know you are back on your meds! It’s nothing they haven’t seen before.
" (it’s just… Hard to get back into taking it after so long not doing it)"
May I ask why? Is it the anxiety of seeing the doctors again or is it something else?
As always you are loved and cared for by all of us!
Hey Bee! That sounds like quite a delicate situation you’re in, and I’m sorry it’s taking a toll. Proud of you for wanting to come clean. As hard as it is, I do think talking about it to your doctor/loved ones is the best way to go right now. As you mention yourself, going back full throttle after being off for a while will probably also have an impact and most likely a negative one. If you’re worried about speaking face to face, I could suggest writing them a letter. Sometimes the words come easier that way. I’m sure they’ll be understanding, as they want the best for you, and they love you more than you could know. You are stronger than the anxiety and stress you feel. Starting it is the hardest part, but I do believe that if you give yourself a moment to just focus on that without overthinking it, you can come up with a perfectly appropriate way of communicating how you feel. You are loved! Keep on fighting!
Being on meds you need and coming off and then realizing just how much you need them is rough, and you hit the nail on the head as to why. Because once you want to take them again, you can’t go right back on them again. You are loved so much, you matter so much and cared for so much! I would make an appointment with your prescriber and when you get on the phone tell the receptionist you havent been taking your meds, that way they know from your appointment start that you havent, even if you feel like it would be too hard to say it in person. If its difficult, another way that some people can do it is to use an electronic medical messaging system to message their doctor. Others will talk to their pharmacist and tell them and have the pharmacist talk to the doctor to get the ball rolling. There are many ways to go. No matter what happened yesterday, you are not who you were, you are who you are today, and you are loved, youa re worthy of being loved, and you are worthy of getting better because you are human! You deserve to get better! Please get a doctors appointment as soon as you can please
Hey Bee03, thank you so much for being here and sharing all of this. The symptoms you describe make totally sense. Quitting a medication in itself can be tough, and it can be a pretty brutal experience to do it cold turkey. I hear that you are afraid to talk about it to your doctor and your loved ones, that you’re afraid that they might judge you, but I really want to encourage you to reach out to your doctor in order to see what can be done next. Your doctor will understand your experience and they shouldn’t judge you at all. You know, actually many people quit cold turkey without telling their doctor. The step of taking a medication can be difficult and scary in itself. When I started mine, I had so much anxiety and questions in my mind, and I’m still wondering how I’m going to learn to live without it. I’ve wondered if I was less myself just because I need those meds in order to function on a daily basis. But then I realized that these questions didn’t need to be answered immediately. It’s a process. It’s important to take it easy, one day at a time. There are needs that have to be addressed in the present moment, and those needs are a priority. Right now, it sounds that your next move is to schedule a meeting with your doctor, so you could have a conversation with them about this. As you said: you know people would be understanding, and that’s something to hold on to. Your fears right now probably make you feel like you have to hide and deal with this on your own, but it’s okay to ask for help, friend. I’d strongly encourage you not to get back to your medication by yourself, and to make sure you are supported both by a professional and your loved ones while you are trying to figure out what treatment could be the best for you. You are worthy of help, care, and love. <3
